Presumption & Vulnerability

We want people to be vulnerable with us. Vulnerability brings intimacy and safety. Though we long for this vulnerability, sometimes we actively discourage intimacy through our presumptions. Before a person has had the opportunity to open up to us, we have already decided some “facts” about the person our situation or as they are opening up to us we quickly come to conclusions before fully understanding. We create in our minds a persona about this person that doesn't exist and filter their words and actions through this persona. Someone could be pouring out their heart and vulnerable, but we miss it, because it doesn't fit our persona of the person.

And so sometimes when we get upset because a person is not being honest and vulnerable with us, sometimes, the issue as that we don’t believe they exist, and we are not listening. We filter out what doesn't fit our "persona". We must realize it is difficult to talk to someone who doesn't believe you exist.

And sometimes, we are unwilling to give up our “personas” because it means we would have to be vulnerable ourselves, even if it just means something as simple as admitting we were wrong in our presumptions.

It is important to realize that we all do this. Because of the fall, we are creatures of misinterpretation. Understanding that we are misinterpreters is part of learning to get to know people. When we realize we do this often, we don’t hold on to those “personas” very tightly, and we are willing to have your “personas” destroyed. In fact, we expect to have false ideas about people and begin actively listening to others in order to destroy our false perspectives about them in a search to truly get to know who they are.

Being stripped of our glory

It is in our nature to hold on to our world view or to be conformed to the worlds view point. “Worldly wisdom” becomes our refuge for it doesn’t call us to die. It is a scary thing to have our world turned upside down, to be called to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus. However, that is what the Gospel does. It takes us into a world that is unknown, a world that strips away our “worldly wisdom”, that strips the very essence of who we think we are. In Christ, our daily walk is one of having our world view, this veil that keeps us from seeing the glory of God, stripped away from us, so that we can see truth and beauty. In this act of presenting our bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, we rest in God as our refuge and He boldly takes us into His arms and brings us close to Himself.

If we stubbornly hold on and are unwilling to have our world views crushed and broken, and that on a continual and ongoing basis, we will miss out on the goodness and the joy of the Lord, that are found in the wonders of the Gospel. Therefore, let this false wisdom fall away, let my world be crushed and my heart broken as God calls me into His Holy presence and I am changed and conformed into the image of Christ and brought into a love that will consume me.

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.   – Romans 12:1,2

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. – Psalm 51:17

Thus says the Lord,

“Heaven is My throne and the earth is My footstool.
Where then is a house you could build for Me?
And where is a place that I may rest?
“For My hand made all these things,
Thus all these things came into being,” declares the Lord.
“But to this one I will look,
To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word. – Isaiah 66:1,2

Be slow to speak, quick to listen

"If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame."  – Proverbs 18:13

We are often so quick to speak into another person’s life, being quick to speak and slow to hear. We have already determined what is going on in that person’s heart. We may ask questions, but even those questions are only asked to get the person to see what we already know. And in this we break God’s commandment to not bare false witness against another and we falsely judge our brother.

"The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water,
    but a man of understanding will draw it out."

A man who is willing to understand will not be presumptuous or place his own assumptions on a person, but instead will be patient and will listen, and pursue drawing out what is in the man’s heart.

It is one thing to call out a man on a specific sin he is committing. It is another to tell him what is going on in his heart. God does call us to help one another in this, but it is to be done with patience and understanding. Like exploring deep water it takes more work than just looking at the surface. And if that is all you are willing to do, then it is to your folly and shame.

God alone knows our hearts fully.

"The heart is more deceitful than all else
And is desperately sick;
Who can understand it?
I, the Lord, search the heart,
I test the mind,
Even to give to each man according to his ways,
According to the results of his deeds."

As we explore one another’s hearts, we must also come humbly before God, knowing he alone can reveal a man’s heart. We are not able to understand our own heart and even so the heart of another. We can however pursue each other in patience and love, allowing God to reveal our own hearts to one another. God alone understands the heart and we must come to him and listen in order to understand another person's heart.

And this is our pursuit as we come to one another in admonition to die to our own words and to allow the word of Christ to speak into our hearts, that we may together come to know Christ more and more.

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Let the blow come

"Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it." Psalm 141:5

Our sinful nature endears us to defend and attack those who bring a rebuke into our lives. We want to defend our worth, our righteousness. How dare they attack me? And look at them anyways, they are so messed up. Who are you to confront me? Go repent of your own sins?

We hide our sins. We hold them down like a beach ball in water, wavering and struggling as we try to keep them from coming out in the open. We keep people away. The water may be murky but if they are too close they might see the beach ball. And if someone should come close enough to see this beach ball in the water, we create elaborate lies to defend our kingdom and to keep them out. Because we are so focused on keeping this beach ball out of view, our view becomes so narrow, and we miss so much.

And if someone does come close enough to see our beach ball and say something, no matter how slight. We are like a bear defending her cub. This is how dear our sins are to us. We will rip anyone up for even possibly coming close or having any hint of rebuke. We are like a ruthless lawyer not concerned with truth or the others, only that we defend our appearance of worth and righteousness, even if it destroys those around us.

Not allowing rebuke is destructive to our lives and to our relationships. Our lives become a cycle of living a lie, by keeping people away and ripping them apart if they get too close. And if the beach ball does come out of the water it comes out explosively, destroying those around us. Not only do we do this with others, but we also push God away. We look and focus on protecting our sin, instead of looking to Jesus.

The scripture teaches us a different approach to rebuke - put your guard down, let the blow come. And as we let our guard down and that blow comes, we become covered with the oil of kindness and joy and delight. When we get the gospel and it becomes rooted deeper and deeper into our hearts, the more we want our hearts to be exposed. The more we want our ugliness to be laid bare. The more we long for our brothers and sisters to love us enough to rebuke us. Because in this we have freedom. We no longer have to struggle to hold the beach ball under water. We have the freedom to be honest about our sin and we have the freedom to grow in intimacy. It is refreshing and a joy to be rebuked, because it is in these rebukes that our sins which once hindered our view of Jesus become revealed and are cast off, and we get to behold more and more the beauty of our Lord.

 So let your guard down and let the blow come . . .

Good conflicts

Good conflicts pursue truth and honesty, bad conflicts argue for victory and defend self worth.

Good conflicts pursues understanding and truth, bad conflicts accuse with out listening or knowing the other person.

When we are protecting our worth, we are protecting our idols.

Honest about our sin

A part of believing the Gospel is being willing to be honest about your sin and allowing your sins to be exposed. The love of God through Christ Jesus truly sets us free.

Sin hates you

Sin crouches and stalks, seeking to devour us, leaving us a shell, destroying who we are. God lovingly pursues us and calls us to himself, laying down His life, so that we might have fullness of joy, beauty, and life.