Running from the pain

Official first blog of the year :)

This year or so has been a year of learning that you can't run away from pain. The other day, I had something really tough happen to me that ripped my heart out. I don't know if it will ever get repaired. I haven't even figured out how to talk about it. I don't know that I want to. But right after that incident, I got hit with a ton of bricks. I went and sat in a place where the tv was turned on. On the show, there was a young child, whose parents had died violently. With his parents gone, he now had the responsibility of looking after his three younger siblings. He would often go without just so that they could eat. I just wanted to weep. How does a heart respond to that? How can a heart take it? I cried out to God, I want to be there, but I don't know if my heart can take it. I can't, I can't even take my own pain. But I think life is more than trying to be able to handle it. I don't know that we are always supposed to be able to handle it. Am I going to turn away my heart just because I can't sleep at night? No, I am going to press into the firm foundation that is Christ and I take the beating and weather the storm. By God's grace I will not run. I believe in life I can either protect my hear in relationships, situations, and hardships, or I can love. Love doesn't protect itself from pain, it loves even in the pain. It does not run away.

2 Corinthians 4:7-12
1 Corinthians 1:8-10
1 Corinthians 13
Hebrews 12:28-29
Luke 4:18,19

Dare to Love

Love . . . Let it bring us to our knees.

LORD, in loving others, may I lock the door behind me and throw away the key and commit to never leave. And may You send angels to guard the door. Abba, give me wings of eagles to soar in Your love and renew Your strength in me, so that I might run where young men fail; and love and not grow faint. For Love is not a fight; it is something worth fighting for.




Love is not a place to come and go as we please. It is a house we enter in and commit to never leave.

"I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it."

Love them as I have loved you

A letter written to a friend July 21, 2005

I wrote this in my journal right before you asked me to pray for you last night:

"This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you." - John 15

This gives us a glimpse into the heart and life of Jesus and how he treated those around Him. They must have been shown much love by Jesus, because they showed much love for one another. Christ loved personally those around Him.

Abba, put this heart in me, allow me to faithfully and fully invest in the lives around me. Let me hold nothing back nor hold on to things that are fleeting, but abandon my life to give. Reveal to me your love. Let me come close to the love of Jesus, in a real and personal and intimate way."

I need prayer for the same thing, to be able to come face to face with the reality of Jesus's love, to experience His tenderness and strength of love, the lion and the lamb. I need to know a love bigger than my own.

Pray fervently for both of us,

Your brother

Get Service

Smelly Dead

When I see the druggie, the alcoholic, the person who is down and out, the person steeped in sexual immorality, the poor, the homeless, the sick, the dying, the leper, the only difference between this guy and them is the grace of God. I can't stand aloft and feel like somehow I am here because I made a better choice. I don't have it in me to make a better choice. I was dead, smelly dead, in my trespasses, an enemy of God, so horribly lost that it took Jesus dieing on the cross and Christ bearing the vileness of my sin, so vile that it caused Him to sweat blood. No, I am no better than the worst. And I am not here because I made a better decision. I am here because of Christ. It was Christ who was willing to take on the depths of my sin, to become vile. And it was His grace and the strength of His power that reached down to my dead and vile heart and gave me life from the dead. And I have to believe that that grace which is big enough for me is big enough for them. I once was one of them and so I long for them to come into the Kingdom. I know His grace reaches down to the worst of who we are and He can give life even to us, the most smelly of the dead.

Prosperity Gospel

Written November 20,2007

God does not command us to seek love from men, but instead he commands us to love one another.

----I was talking with a lady the other day, who as a child was hit by car, and suffered severe damage. She was physically awkward and also socially awkward. It was fun talking with her and letting her know that she was valuable. She gave me a poem she had written. From the poem, you could tell that she had been hurt by lot of rejection over the years; a lot of people passing her by because she was different. People not considering her valuable enough to take the time to get to know. As I am writing this tears are building up. That was a small part of the poem, the rest of the poem talked about her longing to be with Jesus, and how His love remains true and never fails.
----And I am sure His arms are eagerly awaiting to hold her.
----Why are we so much like the priest and the Levite, who walk on other side, avoiding and passing by those who are hurting? Christ demonstrated that love is willing to give of ourselves and touch the wounds of the outcast to be there for them in their hurt and even in the things that are not pleasant.
----Father, test my heart in this. And rip anything out that keeps me from pursuing those who are hurting and different. God, don’t let me just be casual in my effort, but to reach out in your love, to pour out my life as you did, and to touch the broken hearted