A Statement of Trust in God's Heart for Our Relationship

A Statement of Trust in God’s Heart for Our Relationship

1.    Intimacy with I am, Emanuel, that we might hear His Voice, cling to Him, and walk with Him in our relationship.  (Ps 41:10, Deut 30, Micah 6:8, Ps. 87:7. Deut. 6:5, John 17:3, Phil. 3:8-11, Matt. 6:33, Ps 63:8)

2.    To live fully and enjoy the abundance of God. To lay our relationship at Jesus’ feet and in complete trust, surrendering all to Him. (Psalm 23; Rom. 12:1,2;  Heb. 12:1,2; Phil 3:12; Acts 20:24)

3.    We will find our answer on our knees. (Our time with the Lord is a priority)

4.    Allow God as our Father to oversee our relationship, to council and advise us, to protect us, and determine the direction of our relationship. (Ps. 19:14, Ps.25:21, Ps 23:3)

5.    To let the Word be uncaged and to rule and reign in our relationship, being living and active and penetrating it and our lives and our hearts.  (Isaiah 66:2,  John 5:39, Ps. 37:31, Ps. 25:4,5, John 16:13, Titus 1.9, Col. 1:9, Jer. 33:2.3, I Thess. 5:21,22. 2 Tim. 1:7,  James l:25, Ps.26:2,3, Ps.119: 105,  John l5:10, John l4:23, Col.3:16, Joshua 1:7-9, 2 Tim 4:2, Rom 15:4)

6.    We will place our relationship under the care of the church, living in community, and yielding to and being accountable to those that God has placed over us.  (Pr. 15:22, Heb. 10:25, Heb13:17)

7.    We will honor our parents and older couples as is fitting in the Lord, not just passively, but actively engaging to honor them and make them a part of this relationship (Deut 5:16)

8.    May God, work in our relationship, in wisdom and grace, that we can be an example to others. Let us set an example of godly male and female roles and honor one another by living in these roles. (1 Pet 2:12, Titus 2:7)

9.    We will pursue to encourage each other in the Lord’s calling on each other’s life, honoring each other, and encouraging each other to pursue Christ above all else.

10.    May God develop our hearts and allow us to minister together as friends, purposely praying for and ministering to others together.

11.    To seek righteousness and purity in the way we think, speak and act towards one another. (Matt. 5:6,8, Eph 5:3) We will protect and save our hearts for our spouses, not giving them to one another, unless the Lord has called us to be married.  (2 Corinthians 11:2, Proverbs 20:6, Song of Solomon 2:7, 8:4, Proverbs 4:23, Proverbs 31:3) We will not defraud each other physically or emotionally, but will honor one another as the Father’s.  (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, Matthew 5:27-30, 1 Timothy 5:2, Proverbs 5:2, Hebrews 13:4, Matthew 19:4-6, 1Corinthians 16:14)

12.    May He teach us to enjoy getting to know one other and enable us to be honest with one another about who we are. May God teach us to develop a deep friendship, as brother and sister, which honors, encourages, and protects the other. May God teach us to walk in patience with one another as God reveals places in our hearts where he wants to bring His truth, conviction, repentance and healing. And may God teach us to have fun in this journey.  (Col 1:28,29, Ps. 139:23-24)

13.    Our pursuit is the Lord and His will. Success is following after God and His heart, honoring Him.  We will seek God for if He would have us marry, and follow Him either into engagement or back into friendship.  May God watch over us allowing us to end our courtship, be it in engagement or as friends, having honored one another and Him in such a way that we have no regrets. (Is. 30:21, Rom. 12:10)

Choosing a Wife/Beauty is Vain - Tim Conway

Men, if we all started treating beauty as vain, we would change the world. For us few, who will do this, we will be a strength to those around us.


    

God had led him to this woman.

"God had led him to this woman. The search was over. A man could spend the rest of his life (and many do) looking for someone better than the last one. This is where faith and faithfulness com in. Confidence in God. He has promised to lead Is He a faithful Shepherd? Will He make it impossibly difficult for His beloved sheep to discern His will, or will He keep His promise to direct your path?” – Elizabeth Elliot

Manhood - Dr. Voddie Baucham

Advice to men in looking for wives

Biblical Womanhood by Voddie Baucham

A woman's heart

"a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 5

I wrote earlier on the need for men to be brothers, men who will honor women in the Lord, not just look for a wife. Brothers must be men who protect and encourage the women around them. However, this responsibility is not the major domain of brothers. Instead most of the weight of encouraging and protecting women fall on fathers and mothers. As brothers, we encourage and protect our sisters under the covering of older men and women. More than needing brothers, women need fathers and mothers to be their protectors and encouragers. As brothers, we must remember that it is not our job to replace this covering, but to submit to it, and to encourage women to find this. If we point to ourselves to be this, we have failed. I want to encourage the women to find older women, older couples to be a covering for them.


For part 1: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 1
For part 2: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 2
For part 3: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 3
For part 4: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 4
For part 5: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 5

Trust the Lord to provide what we need in a spouse

"Young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing."

It can be hard to choose to be a godly man or women and watch as other men and women are finding spouses and you have nothing. And you wonder what is wrong with you and where are the promises of God and why am I not married? Why is this person falling for this person and not for me? Why am I holding on to what is good? Is it for nothing? I was reading Psalm 37 and it says "Better is the little that the righteous has than the abundance of many wicked." I realized that living as a godly man or woman does not mean I will become rich and get married. In fact, I may have very little, but it is better. My living for righteousness is not for others, it is for my Beloved. It is because I enjoy and delight in my God. Here is the promise: that as we live for him, we may go unnoticed by the world, but we won't go unnoticed by a God who pursues us and wants the best for us and loves us and delights in us. And so we do not fret at things that fade, but instead we trust the words of a good Shepherd:

"Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him, fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, "

I have my fears. I find it easy to hold on to what I think I need or want. I can believe this woman is the woman I should marry and I can try to hold on hard, but I am often wrong. Beloved, we must continue to trust Him, who knows us and our needs, more than we know ourselves. When He says, "No" it is because He knows us and loves us. He is a good Father who will not give us a stone when we ask for bread. He knows what we need. We can trust Him with our hearts.

"I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant and their faces shall never be shamed."

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us."

Wait on your knees for the Lord for a husband

I wrote earlier about a man finding a wife on his knees. A woman must wait to give her heart to her husband on her knees as well. I think with all the false ideas it is easy to be swept away by a man who is not a man who will be a safe place for your heart. It is so easy to buy the false claim that charm and beauty will satisfy the deepest longings of our heart.

I think there are men who are emotional and run after a woman with romanticized gestures winning a woman's heart through appearances that fade. I think there are other men who wait on the Lord, refusing to capture a woman's heart through romanticized gestures, but instead seeking to build her up through words and actions that don't fade away. These men are sometimes more romantic, but choose not to win a woman by those means, because they want to protect the women around them to be a safe place. They also want to learn to have healthy relationships with other women and still remain faithful to his wife, even while he is single.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. Find a man who delights in the Lord.

"a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 4

Men, we must be men who pursue our wives, not in the passions of our desire or in the arena of social agendas or church events or relationships, but instead on our knees in prayer, and in the word and with accountability with other men. As we develop relationships with our sisters, our intentions should be to build them up and encourage them as brothers. Its ok to get to know a woman, I think we can be so concerned about our motivations that we create an unhealthy wall between us and our sisters, but its not ok to do so in a way that takes her. As a brother you should seek her best, to learn how to encourage her in the Lord. This means realizing that in your relationship with a woman that she needs a brother, first. I think when we are attracted to a woman; we can make getting to know her a means to find out if she is the one, instead of honestly just trying to get to know her. When in reality she doesn’t need to fit our concept of what we want her to be, she is the Lord’s and serves him and not us. And so as we get to know our sisters, we need to encourage them in what God is doing in their lives, not try to figure out how they fit our own plan. There may be times that you find your self desiring to pursue a woman, but because you are seeking a wife on your knees and with accountability from other men, you know that pursuing her is not what is best for her. And as a brother you have to deny your desires and continue to encourage her in what God is doing in her life. Love is often laying down your own desires for another. If we are to pursue marriage, God will show us this on our knees, not in us trying to figure it out in the confusion and messiness of our feelings and social agendas. In our interactions with other women we need to allow them to be who God is making them to be. I don’t want a woman to feel like she has to jump through the hoops of my agenda in order to be beautiful. And I don’t want her to feel like she has to compare herself to other women (Which is why I want to learn to treat all my sisters well and equally beautiful). God has made her beautiful and I want to encourage that beauty.

Men, when you are a man that pursues a woman on your knees and in the word and with accountability, it allows the women to feel safe, because they know that your relationships with them are for the purpose of encouraging them and building them up because they are beautiful, not to determine whether they are beautiful. They also know that they can count on you as a brother, because you are willing to lay down your desires for them, even when it hurts. And they know that in your pursuit of a wife, your not holding up a standard that they have to live up to, but are waiting on the Lord for His council on who to pursue. And they know that the determination of whether you are pursuing them as a wife is not because they don’t measure up and it is not dependent on some standard that they must live up to, but because you are a man on your knees, seeking God’s will with integrity from a sincere and solid desire to hear the Lord. So instead of following your passions, you stand in integrity and love with the heart of God.

I know some amazing women. And I know for myself that as I pursue a wife this way, I can honestly say that in my flesh I might pursue them and the reason I am not pursuing them is not because they are not worthy or physically beautiful, but because I must follow the Lord. And it would break my heart if they felt like they were not worthy or beautiful, because that is so far from the truth. And I hope that as I walk in the solid foundation of seeking a wife on my knees, that that security and strength will encourage my sisters in the Lord. I believe that as men stand in integrity of who God is, women will feel beautiful and cherished. There will still be hurt and messy relationships because we live in a sinful world, but the more we stand as men the more we can point to the One who provides security in midst of this messed up world and emotions.

For part 1: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 1
For part 2: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 2
For part 3: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 3
For part 4: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 4
For part 5: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 5

"a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 3

I believe that women need the men to be strong godly brothers, who are a part of their lives. But let me be clear, this does not mean that we chase girls or use this as an excuse to pursue a girl that we like under the disguise of being “a brother”. A man who pursues a relationship with a women to just take her is not a brother. To those guys who would do this, let me say this straight out – you are a jerk, and God is not at all amused by this kind of behavior. And I hope the men around you won’t be either. Also I want to say to the men around me. I don’t think I am perfect and I hope that if you see me do this you will come around me and tell me that I am a jerk and help me to get back on track.

Even when, as men, our intentions are noble, we still have to keep in mind that there are boundary lines that we do not need to cross. Showing a woman that she is cherished means protecting her. You cannot make her feel beautiful and non-protected at the same time. And so in the way that we relate to her, we must include protecting her heart and not crossing those boundaries. As we become men of integrity, not just in our relationship with them, but also in life, women feel beautiful. Let me say this again, when men are the kind of men who stand on God’s word, women feel beautiful and secure. So men, if you want women to know that they are beautiful, become men who are noble, grounded in God’s word, and live a life of integrity. Become men who are safe, who able to protect the women around them. Become men, with whom they know will not follow the passions of their heart, but are seeking to stand on the heart of God and are therefore worthy protectors.

For part 1: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 1
For part 2: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 2
For part 3: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 3
For part 4: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 4
For part 5: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 5

"a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 2

I remember talking with one of my sisters while she was going through a hard time. She wanted to know that she was beautiful. She wanted to know that she was lovely and that she was loved. Talking with her and hearing the stuff she was going through tore my heart, because I knew she was beautiful and loved. If you get a chance to listen to her talk about her fond memories about her brothers, they are stories about how her brothers protected her and watched over her. Unfortunately, because of a broken home, those times were not as often as they should have been. But those times with her brothers were the deep desires of her heart.

God has been teaching me that women need good men in the church to step up and be fathers and brothers to them to be able to fill some of those heart needs. They need men who are safe and who will honor and cherish them as daughters and sisters in the Lord. They need real fathers and brothers who will become involved with their lives and walk along side them and show them that they are beautiful and lovely and loved.

Look at: Biblical womanhood video

Also look at: On being found beautiful

And: Biblical womanhood video

For part 1: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 1
For part 2: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 2
For part 3: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 3
For part 4: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 4
For part 5: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 5

Sleeping around and having had an abortion

God has been really challenging me lately. Over the past year or so He has been teaching me what it means to love someone. One of the things I've been wrestling with is how I would respond if the woman God would have me marry had a history of sleeping around and had had an abortion. Two very difficult things to come to grips with. It would be hard.

But I know this, I'd want her to feel safe and loved. I'd want her to feel pure and cherished. I'd want her to feel secure in my love and that she could trust me with her heart.

I'd want a woman to know this not just in a marriage but also as a brother. I know with my real sisters I want this. And I want my sisters in the Lord to know that they are deeply loved.

I am glad that God has put this on my heart. And has had me work through this, cause it has taught me more about the Gospel. God did not pursue a virgin, but a harlot, which is what I am without his grace. I murdered His Son. And yet God loves me and has covered my sin. This is the Gospel. This is the Love Story. I want to know this love and I want to love others with this kind of love.

The purpose of romance is to make a woman feel safe and secure.

If you use romance to impress a woman, you have missed the point. You do not know what romance is. The purpose of romance is to make her feel safe and secure. In order to be romantic, you have to be that kind of man.

A godly husband who can find?

To my sister,

What are you looking for in a husband? My beloved sister, stop and hear this counsel from a godly mother. These words were written to her son, but this advice is also for the heart of a woman as she contemplates on what to look for in a husband. She teaches her son, "Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy Kings." (Proverbs 31) In seeking a husband, there are many things that via for our attraction in the opposite sex, whether it is physical, emotional, social, or financial, but the counsel of the scriptures is to not give your heart to these superficial things. My sister, it is my desire that you protect your heart and your way from being led astray by these things that can so easily destroy and ravage your heart. “Keep your heart with all vigilance for from it flow the springs of life.”

Come close and listen, to the wisdom and counsel of a godly mother, as she speaks to her son in love. She advises her son to find a godly woman in whom he can trust. "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain." Beloved sister, find a man you can trust, who will lead you and your family in the Lord. Find a man you know your heart is safe with. This is surpasses all and will strengthen your heart as a woman. Find a man who will cherish you, a man who seeks your good, in the Lord, even when it hurts. He is not afraid to make a stand on what is good.

I just watched a movie I received during Christmas. And there was a scene where the daughter was talking with her mother about romance. and her godly mother told her, "Do not despise meager beginnings." My sister, many of us men are still learning what it means to lead. We definitely are not perfect. But if you find a man who is devoted to the Lord and devoted to honoring you and loving you and leading his family, the Lord will give him the strength to be good husband. If his foundation is firmly planted in the Lord and scripture, then the house will stand. I have found that that the Lord enables what He commands and will be there close, walking beside a man like this. And that is why you can give your heart to him, because God is near. Find a man attractive, because God is near him.

My sister, you should not have to question the integrity of man’s heart. A godly man will labor to be a man you can trust in his actions and words. His character will be one that does not shy away from accountability, but instead welcomes it. He is a man who is proven. And he does not seek his own gain, but seeks to lead under the headship of Christ. This is a man, who understands that he does not uphold himself or has anything to boast in, but boasts in and depends only in Christ. His heart is the Lord's, first and only.

Here is another quote from the movie I just saw; the mother says, “Just remember, that God has written His own story for you. And it is not the feelings of your heart that it should be based upon, but rather the thoughts of your heart that you need to hear, . . . that tells you that this man will care for you no matter what, that he is someone who will kiss you when you are old and gray, tend to you when you are sick, honor you. . . . a man like that is as rare as a diamond in the rough.”

Beloved sister, don't go for the guy with a lot flair or for the vain things that pull at your heart and attractions, go for the man who has a strong foundation, a man whom you can trust.

In love,
Your brother

Can there be Friendship after Courtship

Just a quick note, I don't feel like I have written this very well. I hope to someday come back and rewrite it and better explain. I have decided to leave it though, because it is something that does need to be heard, and I hope people will hear the meat of this message.



The scripture exhorts us to treat each other as brothers and sisters and to encourage each other in the Lord. The scripture does not qualify this. In fact, we are called to grow in love. I believe when a courtship ends a friendship continues and grows. It does not end. Courtship is a time of determining God’s will for marriage between a woman and a man, however if that courtship ends, the pursuit of God’s will still continues. And it is God’s will that we continue to treat each other as brothers and sisters in the Lord, honoring each other and growing in love.

I have often been told that after a courting relationship that you can’t be friends. I don’t believe this. It contradicts the scriptures encouragement to grow in love. God has called us to a greater love than the world and a greater wisdom then the world’s. I think it is sad, how couples can treat each other after breaking up. I want to learn how to love my sister, in those situations. Why should I settle for less, knowing that God is with me? Listen, I know this is hard. I really do, I struggle as anyone else does. God’s way is often not always the easy way, but the way faith and trust. But it is always the better way. This requires learning to love with agape love. And agape love is something I don’t think I will ever regret. We could make excuses and say, “Yeh, but. . .what about this” I would say, “Yeh, but we only have this life as an opportunity to live these things out, to show God’s glory and to love each other in these situations. Let us be committed to press in and love each other with an agape love.” I don’t want to waste my life saying, "Yeh, but . . . ". Instead, I want to walk by faith, loving my brothers and sisters. I think we often run away, instead of standing in faith and love, committing our relationships to the Lord and laying our hearts and our relationships at His feet.

I came across this a few years ago:

“Properly define success. As Joshua Harris points out in his article, a courtship that leads a couple to engagement and marriage is not necessarily any more successful than a courtship that leaves the couple wiser but still single. Remember that the purpose of courtship is to seek God's will, not merely to get married. For this reason, a courtship God does not lead to marriage may not be a tragedy at all, and the church must be careful not to react as if it were. Singles whose courtships have ended short of engagement inevitably suffer disappointment and pain. When your heart is drawn toward romance, there is no way to render that relationship totally free of risk. But, because courtship balances passionate feelings with wisdom and discretion, singles can often withdraw from a courtship with hearts that have been bruised but not seriously wounded.

Few events can help a church grasp the real meaning of courtship better than one that ends without a proposal, but full of grace. What a witness these trying situations can be to a watching world! When the church is able to see God's goodness in these testimonies as clearly as it does in stories of dreamy proposals and teary weddings, it demonstrates a solid grasp of what successful courtship is all about.”

God is glorified when we chose to walk by faith and to love each other with an agape love. This is a witness to the world of the power of God. And this is a witness to ourselves that He is good in all things. Continuing a friendship after courtship will look different for different people, but the idea of continuing to grow in friendship and in love should always be there. If your heart is the Lord’s and you have surrendered the relationship to the Lord, He will lead you. He is a good shepherd. He is a good Father. He leads us perfectly, even when we are not perfect.

Continuing a friendship after a courtship does take a lot of maturity and faith. Relationships take a lot of work and learning to communicate, even without a courtship. It also takes a lot of prayer, reading the word, and Godly counsel. It’s work. I haven’t read it yet, but I have heard of a book called “Relationships, a mess worth making”. I completely believe this. I think after ending a courtship, it’s hard and it is difficult to remain and to grow in friendship. I think because it is difficult, people often choose to shut off their hearts, instead of going through a difficult period of readjusting to friendship. This takes agape love, a choosing to love, even in the hardships, and a choosing to trust God when your heart is being torn. But it is a mess worth making. It is so worth it – learning to love others as God intended us to love.

I said that I know it is hard. I know this from experience. I had just asked a girl, if I could pursue her in marriage. We had courted and returned to friendship for a year at the time and had had a healthy friendship for years (only a small part of that was courting). She said, “No”. It hurt. But God had spoken clearly, that He had called me to continue to love her as a friend. I knew this would be difficult, because the more I got to know her the more I wanted to pursue her. But I knew that this was God’s will for me, and I said “Yes”, trusting the Lord that he would hold my heart. So I gave my heart to the Lord, and chose to love her as a friend. And as I have surrendered my heart to the Lord, he has given me an agape love for her and the strength to obey Him and He has protected my heart as well. I can say that in obeying God and in surrendering my heart to Him, God is using this to teach me to love others in a deeper way. I am learning to love beyond the emotions. And I am thankful for the work God is doing in my heart. It has given me a deeper strength and determination to love others. I still have a lot to learn, but taking that step of believing God’s word, that he has called me to love, even when it is hard, has taught me so much. He has commanded me to love her as my sister, and I don’t regret that. Agape love is not something you regret.

Choosing to love and continuing to be a friend, doesn’t mean that the other person will want to continue to be a friend. They may only want a casual friendship of just being friends because your supposed to be, but without any real substance. They may back off, they may stop trusting in the friendship you once had. They may stop valuing you or respecting you. They may push you away. We live in a fallen world and no matter how much you honor someone and love them with agape love; they may not want to continue to grow in friendship. Don’t let your heart get bitter. And don't be quick to assume, the person may not even realize what they are doing. They may just be hurt. Or it just may be that at this time your not communicating very well. Sometimes when someone has wronged you it is best to be patient and continue to believe in them. Continue to honor them as a friend and to encourage them in the Lord. The scripture says that love is patient, not self seeking.

I have been on the other end, too; where I have had to say “no” to others who liked me. For me when a girl likes me, it is an honor. I feel blessed, because who am I that a girl would consider me worthy of being considered as someone she might marry. To me that is just amazing. So I don’t understand why or how someone could just push someone away that just honored them in this way. That to me is ridiculous. Yes, you want to protect their hearts, but pushing them away is not protecting their hearts. It’s treating them like their dirt. It’s disobeying God’s command to treat them as sisters. If a girl comes to me and lets me know that she likes me, one of the things that I try to establish with them is that, even though I have to say, “no”, I still deeply value them as a friend, and I am not going to treat them different just because I just found out that they liked me. I want to communicate to them the security that God has established in our sister-brother relationship. I let them know that to me it is not awkward and they don’t have to feel awkward around me. They are my friend and my sister and that has not changed. In these situations it is important that I am sensitive to what she is feeling and where she is at. I need to find out how I can protect her heart and encourage her as a friend and a brother. She may say, you know, when you do this it really draws out my heart, please, don't do that. And that is totally, ok. It may be that they need some time away, and that’s ok, too, just let them know that their value to you has not changed and you will their as a brother and friend when they are ready. The key is learning how to respond in a way that encourages the other person in love and looks to their interests and grows the friendship and your relationship as brothers and sisters. I can say this. I am thankful for the girls who have liked me and have decided to continue to be friends with me. I can’t imagine not being friends with them. They are my friends and my honored sisters.

Question: Can men and women have healthy friendships?

Question: Can men and women have healthy friendships?

The scripture calls women and men into a relationship with each other under Christ. Paul told us to treat the younger women as sisters and the older women as mothers. This tells me that there ought to be healthy relationships between women and men and that there is a place for this. We also see that both Paul and Jesus had healthy relationships with women. I think one of our faults that hinders this is that our focus in getting to know others from the opposite sex is easily set on pursuing a spouse. In our culture, our relationships with the opposite sex are often associated with finding a spouse. I don’t believe this is Biblical. My relationships with other women should be focused on treating them as sisters and mothers and fellow servants in the Lord. My focus should be learning how to encourage and build them up in the Lord, not finding a spouse. My attitude should be how can I serve and put others above myself. When I meet other women my focus should not be looking for a wife. God is sufficient to let us know when it is time to pursue. I do not believe we seek a wife by social events. I believe we seek wife, by prayer, feeding on God’s word, and walking in the counsel with other men (and this is an active thing, but it is not the focus of our relationships with others). I know for myself I do not have enough wisdom to figure out who I should marry and if I am seeking a wife through social events or friendships, I will get all messed up in my emotions. But when I seek a wife on my knees and in God’s word and through godly counsel, there is an awesome assurance, certainty, and security. The steps I take to pursue a wife become firm. In my relationship with other women my pursuit is to point them to Christ and to encourage them in the Lord, not to me. I think that the line is that we treat others as sisters and mothers, not in the sense that I can do anything I can do with my own natural sisters or mother, but in the sense that I am protecting a healthy and secure relationship with proper boundaries. Instead of drawing their heart toward me, I am encouraging them in the Lord. This takes work, maturity, and learning how to communicate. And this does mean that some lines will be drawn on how you treat other women, but this does not mean that there can’t be healthy friendships. As for as how this looks practically, some of this stuff is still new to me, and I am still learning.

Don’t be afraid to pursue a woman

Here is a link on some of my thoughts on pursuing a wife: Courting

Saying, "I love you"

There was a little talk, tonight about saying, "I love you" to someone you just started dating. Now, I don't mind saying this to my brothers and sisters in the Lord, but I do believe in a courtship relationship, what I communicate to the girl should reflect my commitment to her; and therefore, I will probably not say these words till I am committed to marriage. In the courtship that I had recently, I found this to be healthy, not just from the perspective of protecting her heart, but also in learning how to communicate with her. I also refused to touch her. It was good. I couldn't just revert to a simple, "I love you" or embrace her. I had to learn to tell her that she was special and that I cared for her in creative and healthy ways. I gained so much. I had to learn to communicate, something that takes work and makes a marriage stronger. Anyways, this something to think about, what do we cultivate in our relationships?

My Prayer for Marriage

o The Lord will have His rightful place, the first (the only) place. He is my first love.

o To live by faith

o To pursue others with faithfulness

o To honor my sisters

o To be pure, to be a man of honor

o That you will prepare my heart to be a home

o Lord, I want to be a one woman man, save my heart for my wife, and if or until I am married, Lord have my heart, in this.

o To trust that You will keep what I have committed to You

o To trust that You will meet my deepest needs and desires in this area

o You are the good Shepherd

o To lay it down at Your feet, to live fully as a single man - to commit myself to You (Being single is not to seek marriage, but to be free to seek the Lord undistracted, devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. We will pursue Him alone, seeking no other.)