Presumption & Vulnerability

We want people to be vulnerable with us. Vulnerability brings intimacy and safety. Though we long for this vulnerability, sometimes we actively discourage intimacy through our presumptions. Before a person has had the opportunity to open up to us, we have already decided some “facts” about the person our situation or as they are opening up to us we quickly come to conclusions before fully understanding. We create in our minds a persona about this person that doesn't exist and filter their words and actions through this persona. Someone could be pouring out their heart and vulnerable, but we miss it, because it doesn't fit our persona of the person.

And so sometimes when we get upset because a person is not being honest and vulnerable with us, sometimes, the issue as that we don’t believe they exist, and we are not listening. We filter out what doesn't fit our "persona". We must realize it is difficult to talk to someone who doesn't believe you exist.

And sometimes, we are unwilling to give up our “personas” because it means we would have to be vulnerable ourselves, even if it just means something as simple as admitting we were wrong in our presumptions.

It is important to realize that we all do this. Because of the fall, we are creatures of misinterpretation. Understanding that we are misinterpreters is part of learning to get to know people. When we realize we do this often, we don’t hold on to those “personas” very tightly, and we are willing to have your “personas” destroyed. In fact, we expect to have false ideas about people and begin actively listening to others in order to destroy our false perspectives about them in a search to truly get to know who they are.

Be slow to speak, quick to listen

"If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame."  – Proverbs 18:13

We are often so quick to speak into another person’s life, being quick to speak and slow to hear. We have already determined what is going on in that person’s heart. We may ask questions, but even those questions are only asked to get the person to see what we already know. And in this we break God’s commandment to not bare false witness against another and we falsely judge our brother.

"The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water,
    but a man of understanding will draw it out."

A man who is willing to understand will not be presumptuous or place his own assumptions on a person, but instead will be patient and will listen, and pursue drawing out what is in the man’s heart.

It is one thing to call out a man on a specific sin he is committing. It is another to tell him what is going on in his heart. God does call us to help one another in this, but it is to be done with patience and understanding. Like exploring deep water it takes more work than just looking at the surface. And if that is all you are willing to do, then it is to your folly and shame.

God alone knows our hearts fully.

"The heart is more deceitful than all else
And is desperately sick;
Who can understand it?
I, the Lord, search the heart,
I test the mind,
Even to give to each man according to his ways,
According to the results of his deeds."

As we explore one another’s hearts, we must also come humbly before God, knowing he alone can reveal a man’s heart. We are not able to understand our own heart and even so the heart of another. We can however pursue each other in patience and love, allowing God to reveal our own hearts to one another. God alone understands the heart and we must come to him and listen in order to understand another person's heart.

And this is our pursuit as we come to one another in admonition to die to our own words and to allow the word of Christ to speak into our hearts, that we may together come to know Christ more and more.

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Let the blow come

"Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it." Psalm 141:5

Our sinful nature endears us to defend and attack those who bring a rebuke into our lives. We want to defend our worth, our righteousness. How dare they attack me? And look at them anyways, they are so messed up. Who are you to confront me? Go repent of your own sins?

We hide our sins. We hold them down like a beach ball in water, wavering and struggling as we try to keep them from coming out in the open. We keep people away. The water may be murky but if they are too close they might see the beach ball. And if someone should come close enough to see this beach ball in the water, we create elaborate lies to defend our kingdom and to keep them out. Because we are so focused on keeping this beach ball out of view, our view becomes so narrow, and we miss so much.

And if someone does come close enough to see our beach ball and say something, no matter how slight. We are like a bear defending her cub. This is how dear our sins are to us. We will rip anyone up for even possibly coming close or having any hint of rebuke. We are like a ruthless lawyer not concerned with truth or the others, only that we defend our appearance of worth and righteousness, even if it destroys those around us.

Not allowing rebuke is destructive to our lives and to our relationships. Our lives become a cycle of living a lie, by keeping people away and ripping them apart if they get too close. And if the beach ball does come out of the water it comes out explosively, destroying those around us. Not only do we do this with others, but we also push God away. We look and focus on protecting our sin, instead of looking to Jesus.

The scripture teaches us a different approach to rebuke - put your guard down, let the blow come. And as we let our guard down and that blow comes, we become covered with the oil of kindness and joy and delight. When we get the gospel and it becomes rooted deeper and deeper into our hearts, the more we want our hearts to be exposed. The more we want our ugliness to be laid bare. The more we long for our brothers and sisters to love us enough to rebuke us. Because in this we have freedom. We no longer have to struggle to hold the beach ball under water. We have the freedom to be honest about our sin and we have the freedom to grow in intimacy. It is refreshing and a joy to be rebuked, because it is in these rebukes that our sins which once hindered our view of Jesus become revealed and are cast off, and we get to behold more and more the beauty of our Lord.

 So let your guard down and let the blow come . . .

Good conflicts

Good conflicts pursue truth and honesty, bad conflicts argue for victory and defend self worth.

Good conflicts pursues understanding and truth, bad conflicts accuse with out listening or knowing the other person.

Stubborness vs Conviction

Stubbornness is blinding and unwilling to be corrected or to listen, restrictive, in-compassionate, and destructive, it does not understand its standing with with God. Conviction is open minded, willing to be corrected and to listen, is compassionate, and brings freedom and healing, and understands the glories of the Gospel.

Speak the truth in love

Legalism demands perfection from others. The Gospel enjoys calling others to delight with them in the journey toward God.

the Gospel pursues beauty, Legalism holds back

The Gospel pursues beauty, wisdom, growth, and the best in life knowing that it is accepted. Legalism pursues only those measures seen as obtainable and is ruled by fear and anxiety and a desire to be accepted.

Assuming the worst

It is better to assume the best in people and later find out that you were wrong, then it is to assume the worst in people and later find out that you were wrong. A lot of miscommunication occurs because we assume the worst, instead of pursuing the truth about the person.

God's vision for the family (revised)

God’s vision for the family is part of the story of mankind. It began at creation and was set out to as a reflection of the image of God and the story of the Gospel, and God’s establishment of a Kingdom with a people, place, and king. God’s vision for the family reflects this purpose, and it began when God created Adam . . . .

 After God (the King) made a garden (the place) and then created man (the people) and placed him in it. And before he had made the woman, he immediately gave him a task and a vision. . .

“The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”

God had given Adam a purpose, a work, and a vision to accomplish in establishing the Kingdom. God was the Author and the King of Adam’s vocation. Adam did not set his own agenda or go his own way. In joy, love, and delight, Adam looked to God for his vision and purpose. However God knew Adam couldn’t accomplish this vision alone; dominion of the earth could not be accomplished by one man. God said, “It is not good for man to be alone”. And so God brought the animals before Adam in order to see if a helper could be found to accompany Adam in his task. Yet Adam did not find a helper fit for him among the creatures God had made. . . .

So God put Adam to sleep and created a helper that was fit . . . a woman, someone who was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. And after having gone through all the animals, when Adam saw the woman that God had brought him, he cried out in joy,

                “This at last is bone of my bones

                                and flesh of my flesh;

                she shall be called Woman,

                                because she was taken out of Man.”

(Genesis 2:23 ESV)

Finally, after all his searching, he “at last” found someone above all the others who was a helper perfectly fit to walk alongside him in the vision God had set for them. In bringing the animals before Adam, first, God demonstrated that Adam was to love and cherish his wife above all others. That is why it is said,

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 ESV)

We see this not only from the very beginning of creation, but also later, as Paul and Peter both look back to God’s purposes for marriage and have as their core exhortation to husbands . . . love, value, and cherish your wives. And in the Old Testament, through the prophets, God states, “she is your companion and your wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:14b ESV). Husbands, your wives are to be cherished, are to be held close, and to be your companion by God’s purpose, design, and covenant. If a man does not love his wife, the man is in rebellion against God.

God had given Adam a task and vision he could not accomplish alone. And for this reason God made the woman. The wife is the husband’s companion in pursuing God’s Kingdom.

After presenting the woman to Adam and bring them together, God blessed them both, added to Adam’s vision and purpose, and together commanded them to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion . . . .” The woman was created as a helper fit to help support, and walk alongside Adam as they accomplished this command of establishing the Kingdom together. Without her it would not have been possible. This too was God’s vision for the family from the beginning. And again later, we see Paul and Peter also echoing this vision as they both exhort wives to submit to and respecting their husbands. Proverbs 31 words it this way,

                 An excellent wife who can find?

                                She is far more precious than jewels.

                The heart of her husband trusts in her,

                                and he will have no lack of gain.

                She does him good, and not harm,

                                all the days of her life.

                (Proverbs 31:10-12 ESV)

“The heart of her husband trusts in her . . .” She was to bless her husband in this task. She was at last is a helper fit for man to be a co-heir, a partner, someone who will support Adam in pursuing God’s vision. “She is far more precious than jewels.”

                So the man is to love and cherish his wife. The wife is to respect and support her husband. And through this, they are to partner in accomplishing God’s vision. We see this outlined by Paul, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” Understand this . . . no one is allowed their own vision, except for God. The wife does not have her own vision, nor does the husband. But each have their roles in accomplishing God’s vision for the family. That is why as I have been writing I keep referring to God’s vision. This is important. The purpose of mankind is not to pursue its own glory, but to pursue the Glory of God. I repeat, no one is allowed to have their own vision, and to do so is rebellion. The husband is not allowed to set his own vision for the family, nor is the wife allowed to have her own vision for the family; both are to pursue God’s vision together. The scripture teaches “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:25 ESV). Keeping this in mind, let us look at the roles for the husband and wife further . . .

Man was created first. Adam also named the woman. These were both signs of his authority. From the beginning the husband was created to lead and to be the head of his family. The husband’s headship was not an afterthought. Paul makes this clear in 1 Timothy 2, when he appeals to this as the reason for man’s authority in the church. Paul also refers to this fact elsewhere, “For man was not made from woman, but woman from man” (1 Corinthians 11:8 ESV). The woman was given to the man because he could not accomplish God’s vision without her. Adam needed his wife to succeed. Her support for God’s vision was essential. It was part of God’s design to accomplish the vision God had for mankind. And after God had presented the woman to the man, God “saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31 ESV). The roles God had established between the man and the woman were beautiful, breath taking, splendid, grand, pleasurable, and life giving.

---

The role God had given the woman at the beginning was intensely beautiful and imperishable. She is to be a support and help-meet to her husband. The scripture says that the head of the woman is the man. The wife is to look to her husband for instruction and value his leadership and direction. God gave Adam his commandment, before He made the woman. Adam was to speak God’s word’s to his wife. Paul describes how wives are to be cleansed and sanctified by their husbands through the washing of the word (Ephesians 5:26). Apart from God and the scripture, the husband should be the first and primary source of sanctification and teaching for the wife. This is one of the reasons why Paul states in 1 Corinthians 14, “If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home” (ESV). The wife is to look to her husband in this, because he needs her. Her thoughts and concerns are precious, and as she comes to him as her head, he also is sanctified and grows in the Lord. He becomes more like Christ as she displays the beauty of the glory of God, through her submission. 1 Peter 3 shows that the wife’s submissive behavior is the most influential thing on a man’s heart. A wife has the strength to build her home. As she comes to her husband and submits to him, God’s vision for the family is strengthened.

Peter discusses the sanctifying power of a godly woman and how her beauty can even change the heart of a hard, calloused, and ungodly man (1 Peter 3).  Peter describes a beautiful woman as one who is precious, valuable, needed, and cherished both to the husband and to God. He states, “but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” Therefore, beauty for a woman is having a gentle and quiet spirit. And this “gentle and quiet spirit” is displayed by the wife’s submission and obedience to her husband, by looking to him as her head and lord. In the letter to the Ephesians, Paul states, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

Obedience and submission to the husband, is the calling of God for the wife. Her vision should be caught up in supporting her husband’s pursuit of God’s vision. “A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband” (Proverbs 14:2, Amplified). The bible describes her as noble, influential, powerful, and strong. This is not the world’s idea of submission. Our culture does not define or understand submission correctly. It is a submission and obedience that come from the inner beauty of a woman who knows her God and intimately pursues His glory.  The Proverbs 31 woman is a woman of ingenuity, intelligence, wisdom, strength, and ability. She has the full trust of her husband. “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” Like Joseph, her husband does not need to concern himself with anything under her care. “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” He knows she will support him and his leadership in the vision God has given them together as a family. She is his partner and companion. She is his primary support and council. She is the number one influence in his life. He desperately relies on her strength. No one, no man or woman, is better suited to help him pursue God. In Proverbs 31, it states, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land” (ESV). This is not a description of the husband, but a description of what the wife has accomplished. Because of her support for her husband, he is known and respected and influential. He couldn’t accomplish this without her. God said, “it is not good for the man to be alone . . . .” The scripture states, “The wisest of women builds her house . . .” (Proverbs 14:1a, ESV). A woman partners with her husband to establish the home. And she can also tear it down in foolishness. The wife has a lot of influence in establishing or tearing down God’s vision for the family. The husband is not meant to do it without her. He desperately needs his wife as a coheir and partner in the Kingdom.

Paul writes in Titus, “Older women, . . . They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” The idea of submission comes from God’s word which means it comes from the very heart of God. He established the role of the wife at creation, and sustained it in the scripture. God established the role of the wife, for God has a bigger vision – the Gospel story of Christ and the Church. Paul states that the relationship between a husband and wife is an image of Christ and the church, a husband or a wife who fail to display their end of that image, are failing to display the Gospel in their lives to themselves and to others, and the Gospel and the word of God is at risk of being reviled. A Godly woman submits to her husband because she has a deep understanding of the Gospel and the power of the Kingdom of God. She has a love for God’s word and trusts her Father. The strongest influence a woman has on her husband is her submission. It is imposing and powerful, not weak. It is the strongest power to turn the heart of a hardhearted calloused man to God. If this kind of man is going to change, the strongest influence is the “quiet and gentle spirit” of a godly wife. And if this is the case for an ungodly man, how much more so is this the case for the godly husband. A godly woman is full of strength and influence and the wisest of them will use that strength to support her husband and build her home.

---

When mankind sinned the relational purpose of God for the husband and wife became corrupted. Sin brought curses on mankind, one of those being . . . “[Wife,] Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 ESV) Corruption entered the relationship between husband and wife. The wife’s desire was no longer to serve her husband, but instead was to devour her husband and thus corrupting her husband. And the man’s sinful response to this affront would be to crush his wife and to neglect loving and cherishing his wife, and thus destroying her. We see this same type of wording in Genesis 4, when God speaks to Cain, “sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” In the Hebrew these two passages are identical. Sin desires to overtake devour Cain, but Cain proper response is to crush and put to death sin. And it is in the fall, where both the husband and the wife, because of sin, decided to take up and pursue their own vision and purpose instead of God’s. Sin corrupted the love the husband had for his wife; he no longer cherished her like he should. And the wife no longer supported and submitted to her husband, like she should. God’s vision for the family was corrupted because of sin, pride, selfishness, argumentative spirits, harshness, and more took its place.

It is not God’s design for a man to crush his wife. Nor is he a dictator. He is to portray Christ in His headship. And he is to be under Christ’s headship.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5)

God’s design for man from the beginning was to shepherd his family in the way of the Lord. Man was made to be the head of the family. When mankind sinned God address Adam, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife . . . .” Adam put his wife’s vision above God’s vision. Adam failed as the head of his family by failing to submit and obey to his Head and Lord. He is to lead and protect his family under the vision of God. The man is not allowed to lead by his own interests, desires or whims or the desires of others.  The husband is not allowed to have his own vision, but has the duty of establishing the vision of God for his family, by presenting the Word and the Gospel. The scripture calls husbands to love, cherish, lay down their lives, and lead as Christ does the church. This is a high calling, and is accomplished as the husband lays himself down underneath the headship of Christ. The husband’s first allegiance is to Christ. And through that allegiance to Christ, a husband can love his wife.

The scriptures paint a beautiful picture of the enduring passion and enveloping love of a husband for his wife. The husband is commanded to love his wife in the most intense and sacrificial way, with a love that represents Christ’s love for His church, His beloved. God has commanded husbands to sanctify their wives through loving her, by giving up of themselves for her, and gently washing her with the word. Husbands, this is a romantic picture of love. Imagine the physical picture of this and do this with you words, emotions, and actions toward your wife. There is nothing more romantic. This love is not weak, for the husband’s love comes from the strength of Christ. It is a love that has amazing strength and integrity to it that does not compromise on God’s heart for her, while still being full of tenderness. The husband is to live with his wife in an understanding way learning how to cherish and nourish her as his own body. Our words and actions should build her up, not tear her down. The husband is to love his wife, by shepherding his family towards the love of Christ, not himself. It is a love that firmly calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus. And a husband must follow Jesus to be the husbands his wife needs.

Just as Christ's love is effectual in sanctifying our hearts, the husband’s love through Christ will be the most powerful instrument in changing his wife and helping her to grow in Christ. Even if she is an ungodly woman, this is the story of Hosea and this is the story of Christ and His church. So whether or not she is godly or not, the husband is to passionately love his wife, knowing that this love is effectual. And even if she does not change, the husband’s head is Christ, and he is to be faithful to the covenant that has been made between him and his wife, through Christ.

The scripture describes wives as “cherished”, “delight of your eyes”, “beloved”, “praised”, “more precious than jewels”, and “favor of the LORD”. We are to love our wives above all others and hold fast to her.  In Malachi God says that she is the husband’s companion by covenant. 1 Peter 3 states that she is our co-heir. And husbands are to treat their wives as such. The Lord states that he is a witness between the husband and how he treats his wife, and will not listen to a man who does not cherish his wife

“You cover the LORD's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant”.

(Malachi 2:13-14 ESV)

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7, ESV)

The wife is not just a companion but a co-heir and co-worker in the Kingdom of God. God told them both, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” The husband must value his wife as a co-heir and co-worker in accomplishing this. She is is to be his primary counsel and an equal partner in this vision. God requires that the man leads in a way that cherishes his wife as an equal partner in this vision.

God expects the husband to cherish his wife. And if he does not, his prayers will not be heard. This is sobering. The wife has been given to the husband by God. The husband should not reject or treat this gift with disregard. If he does so it is an affront to God. She is your companion, cherished one, beloved by covenant. But this is the joy that God has given husbands, to portray the love of Christ for His bride. And it is exciting, because just as God has given you your wife, He also has established the covenant between you and your wife and made you her husband. The covenant is made by God and is fulfilled through Christ. A husband leads and loves his family on his knees. And God is faithful and will efficaciously work through a man who sincerely comes to him. And he says, “Come all who are weary.” It in the work of Christ and under the headship of Christ, that a man is able to lead. A Godly man is a man who presses into the gospel.

---

 “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church”. (Ephesians 5)

The relationship between a husband and wife represents Christ and the church. It is a portrayal of the cosmic story of the Gospel. How we treat our spouses reflects on this image. This story was set at the beginning when the first man and woman were created. And we have the pleasure of participating in that story in our marriages. We can have faith to believe in the beauty, the wonder, and the romance of the story or we can go our own way. But it is under the vision of God for the family that we find true romance and become participants in something greater than ourselves.

Proverb - speak the truth

If we avoid speaking the truth in love . . . and with wisdom, we are saying the Gospel is not big enough for that situation.

Communication with the opposite sex

I think it is important that we work hard to understand our spouse's language as well as learning how "translate" for our spouse.

Assumptions causing loss of friendships

Lately, I have seen friendships lost because of assumptions. One are both parties have chosen to believe a lie and have already determined in their heart where the other party is wrong and they have already determined they are right. Without listening, they become irrational in their thinking, but tend to package it in away that at least seems rational to them. And so even though they are wrong, they think they are right and have hearts that are hard to hearing the truth. Friendships are often loss. And all this because of an assumption. This is evil and contentious. God hates this. And when we do this we are self righteous fools.

Instead of having hearts that make assumptions. Our hearts should be broken, quick to listen and ready to love, even when we are being wronged. We should be patient with others faults, listening to find out where they are at, and speaking the truth in love. . .

God knows us. He does not make assumptions. And yet He treats us with such grace.

A woman's heart

Safety of being honest with little hurts.

Many times in communication, when we avoid the little hurts, we cause the big hurts.

From the book I am reading,. . . today's reading

James 4:1-3

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people!







"When two people have conflict, it is easy to see the war on the outside. But James points out that this war is an outgrowth of a war inside each person's heart. Desires are not being met, so people lash out in an attempt to satisfy those desires. In verse 4, James goes even further. He says that people engaging in ungodly conflict have already begun to worship someone or something other than God. They are guilty of spiritual adultery, which is another way to describe idolatry. The person is giving himself to a false lover.

This simple yet profound explanation of why we do what we do can have a radical impact on a person's life. It is radical because understanding our heart's idolatry opens the door for us to appropriate and apply the gospel. We have finally gotten to the root of things; we are no longer floating on the surface. We know that God is committed to reclaiming our hearts through the work of Christ and the Holy Spirit. When we see our Thorns, they help us to detect our idols, our specific God-replacements, and our ruling desires. We see our hearts need transformation, and we are led to hunger and thirst for grace. This is exactly where James goes in verses 5-10."


Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.


"In verses 5 and 6, James says that God is a jealous lover who will not let you share your affection with anyone but him. . . .God is zealous to recapture our affections, so the Holy Spirit works to reclaim our hearts. Isn't this amazing? Most spurned lovers would not pursue the unfaithful spouse, but God pursues you. . . .

I verses 5-6, God moves toward you and in verses 7-10, he invites you to move toward him. God gives you grace at the very moment you are straying, and promises to give you even more when you repent and humble yourself before him. He loves to shower his mercy upon the humble.

An essential element of growing in grace is a willingness to look at what fuels the ungodly responses in your life. "Purify your hearts", says James. Look at what you allowed to become more attractive to you than the Lord. "Wash your hands," he continues. Exchange your sinful responses for godly ones. . . ."

(quotes form "How People Change" by Lane and Tripp)

To forgive - Do we believe?

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift. – Matthew 5:23,24

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. – Colossians 3:13

Why is that we don’t believe? When our hearts are hurt, we run, we hide, we push others away, but we don’t believe. God has called us to forgive. God has called us to love. God has called us to love even in the hardships and the hurts and when we are sinned against. He has called us to love when love is not returned. He has called us to love our enemies. He has called us to this, not because we are capable of loving or bearing the hurt and pain and suffering, but because He is our refuge and He knows our hurt and pain and our broken heart. And He knows what it takes to heal our hearts. It takes being near Him and making Him our refuge. When we push others away and choose not to forgive, we disobey God, who has called us to grow in love, and we run away from trusting God to be our shelter in the pain. We cannot fully heal till we have forgiven. And even in those situations where it seems impossible to forgive, there is a God full of compassion, who longs to walk along side with us, who longs to hold us and to be with us and to give us the strength to live. We can live our lives seeking to protect ourselves or we can allow God to protect us to be our shelter. So do we believe? Our we willing to trust, and to love, and to forgive?

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." – Matthew 18

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. – Luke 6

Read this : Love is worth fighting for

"a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 5

I wrote earlier on the need for men to be brothers, men who will honor women in the Lord, not just look for a wife. Brothers must be men who protect and encourage the women around them. However, this responsibility is not the major domain of brothers. Instead most of the weight of encouraging and protecting women fall on fathers and mothers. As brothers, we encourage and protect our sisters under the covering of older men and women. More than needing brothers, women need fathers and mothers to be their protectors and encouragers. As brothers, we must remember that it is not our job to replace this covering, but to submit to it, and to encourage women to find this. If we point to ourselves to be this, we have failed. I want to encourage the women to find older women, older couples to be a covering for them.


For part 1: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 1
For part 2: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 2
For part 3: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 3
For part 4: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 4
For part 5: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 5

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

A good and pleasant life is found when we are together

Psalm 133: A Song of Ascents. Of David.

Behold, how good and pleasant it is
when brothers dwell in unity!
It is like the precious oil on the head,
running down on the beard,
on the beard of Aaron,
running down on the collar of his robes!
It is like the dew of Hermon,
which falls on the mountains of Zion!
For there the Lord has commanded the blessing,
life forevermore.

I think if we want what is good and pleasant, if we want the blessing. We must press in to love each other, even in difficult circumstances. Even in the most broken of circumstances. Even when we have wronged each other. Even when we are afraid. Healing is not found in running from hard situations, but running toward each other in love. A good and pleasant life is found when we choose to love and live together and walk through hardships together.

I think it is hard sometimes, because our hearts are involved. When we pursue love our hearts become vulnerable. And its scary because we don't know if we can hold up. Here is the thing, we are not any good at protecting our hearts. It doesn't work. But when we pursue and run after God abandoning our hearts to Him, and we pursue to love others in His strength, He upholds us and becomes our refuge and strength. He is also our healer and our rescuer.


"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

The cost of loving others

When Christ said that there is not greater love than one who lays down his life for another and commanded us to love as He has loved us. He meant it. Loving others will cost us our life. We must lay it down to love.