Be slow to speak, quick to listen

"If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame."  – Proverbs 18:13

We are often so quick to speak into another person’s life, being quick to speak and slow to hear. We have already determined what is going on in that person’s heart. We may ask questions, but even those questions are only asked to get the person to see what we already know. And in this we break God’s commandment to not bare false witness against another and we falsely judge our brother.

"The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water,
    but a man of understanding will draw it out."

A man who is willing to understand will not be presumptuous or place his own assumptions on a person, but instead will be patient and will listen, and pursue drawing out what is in the man’s heart.

It is one thing to call out a man on a specific sin he is committing. It is another to tell him what is going on in his heart. God does call us to help one another in this, but it is to be done with patience and understanding. Like exploring deep water it takes more work than just looking at the surface. And if that is all you are willing to do, then it is to your folly and shame.

God alone knows our hearts fully.

"The heart is more deceitful than all else
And is desperately sick;
Who can understand it?
I, the Lord, search the heart,
I test the mind,
Even to give to each man according to his ways,
According to the results of his deeds."

As we explore one another’s hearts, we must also come humbly before God, knowing he alone can reveal a man’s heart. We are not able to understand our own heart and even so the heart of another. We can however pursue each other in patience and love, allowing God to reveal our own hearts to one another. God alone understands the heart and we must come to him and listen in order to understand another person's heart.

And this is our pursuit as we come to one another in admonition to die to our own words and to allow the word of Christ to speak into our hearts, that we may together come to know Christ more and more.

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

God's Vision for the Family

          God’s vision for the family is part of the story of mankind. It began at creation and was set out to as a reflection of the image of God and the story of the Gospel, and God’s establishment of a Kingdom with a people, place, and king. God’s vision for the family reflects this purpose, and it began when God created Adam . . . .

After God (the King) made a garden (the place) and then created man (the people) and placed him in it. And before he had made the woman, he immediately gave him a task and a vision. . .

“The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”

God had given Adam a purpose, a work, and a vision to accomplish in establishing the Kingdom. God was the Author and the King of Adam’s vocation. Adam did not set his own agenda. Adam looked to God for his vision and purpose. However God knew Adam couldn’t accomplish this vision alone; dominion of the earth could not be accomplished by one man. God said, “It is not good for man to be alone”. And so God brought the animals before Adam in order to see if a helper could be found to accompany Adam in his task. Yet Adam did not find a helper fit for him among the creatures God had made. . . .

So God put Adam to sleep and created a helper that was fit . . . a woman, someone who was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. And when Adam saw the woman that God had brought him, he cried out in joy,

                “This at last is bone of my bones

                                and flesh of my flesh;

                she shall be called Woman,

                                because she was taken out of Man.”

(Genesis 2:23 ESV)

Finally, after all his searching, he “at last” found someone above all the others who was a helper fit to accomplish God’s vision and purpose for mankind. Among all the creatures there was none to be cherished by the man more than the woman. In bringing the animals before Adam, first, God demonstrated that Adam was to love and cherish his wife above all others. That is why it is said,

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 ESV)

From the very beginning, God intended that the wife would be cherished and held fast by her husband. We see this vision for the family, later, as Paul and Peter both look back to God’s purposes for marriage and have as their core exhortation to husbands . . . love, value, and cherish your wives. God states, “she is your companion and your wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:14b ESV). Husbands, your wives are to be cherished, are to be held close, and to be your companion by God’s purpose, design, and covenant. If a man does not love his wife, the man is in rebellion against God. The wife is the husband’s companion in pursuing God’s Kingdom.

God had given Adam a task and vision he could not accomplish alone. And for this reason God made the woman. After presenting the woman to Adam and bring them together, God blessed them both, added to Adam’s vision and purpose, and gave it to them both, commanding them to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion . . . .” The woman was created as a helper fit to help Adam to accomplish this command and the work God had given her husband, Adam, in establishing the Kingdom. Without her it would not have been possible. This too was God’s vision for the family from the beginning. And again later, we see Paul and Peter also echoing this vision as they both exhort wives to submit to and respecting their husbands. Proverbs 31 words it this way,

                 An excellent wife who can find?

                                She is far more precious than jewels.

                The heart of her husband trusts in her,

                                and he will have no lack of gain.

                She does him good, and not harm,

                                all the days of her life.

                (Proverbs 31:10-12 ESV)

“The heart of her husband trusts in her . . .” This at last is a helper fit for man to be a co-heir, a partner, someone who will support Adam in pursuing God’s vision. “She is far more precious than jewels.”

                So the man is to love and cherish his wife. The wife is to respect and support her husband. And through this, they are to partner in accomplishing God’s vision. We see this outlined by Paul, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” Understand this . . . no one is allowed their own vision, except for God. The wife does not have her own vision, nor does the husband. But each have their roles in accomplishing God’s vision for the family. That is why as I have been writing I keep referring to God’s vision. This is important. The purpose of mankind is not to pursue its own glory, but to pursue the Glory of God. No one is allowed to have their own vision, and to do so is rebellion. The husband is not allowed to set his own vision for the family, nor is the wife allowed to have her own vision for the family; both are to pursue God’s vision together. The scripture teaches “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:25 ESV). Keeping this in mind, let us look at the roles for the husband and wife further . . .

Man was created first. Adam also named the woman. These were both signs of his authority. From the beginning the husband was created to lead and to be the head of his wife. The husband’s headship was not an afterthought. Paul makes this clear in 1 Timothy 2, when he appeals to this as the reason for man’s authority in the church. Paul also refers to this fact elsewhere, “For man was not made from woman, but woman from man” (1 Corinthians 11:8 ESV). The woman was given to the man because he could not accomplish God’s vision without her. Adam needed his wife to succeed. Her support for God’s vision was essential. It was part of God’s design to accomplish the vision God had for mankind. And after God had presented the woman to the man, God “saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31 ESV). The roles God had established between the man and the woman were beautiful, breath taking, splendid, grand, pleasurable, and life giving.

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The role God had given the woman at the beginning was intensely beautiful and imperishable. She is to be a support and help-meet to her husband. The scripture says that the head of the woman is the man. The wife is to look to her husband for instruction and value his leadership and direction. God gave Adam his commandment, before He made the woman. Adam was to speak God’s word’s to his wife. Paul describes how wives are to be cleansed and sanctified by their husbands through the washing of the word (Ephesians 5:26). Apart from God and the scripture, the husband should be the first and primary source of sanctification and teaching for the wife. This is one of the reasons why Paul states in 1 Corinthians 14, “If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home” (ESV). The wife is to look to her husband in this, because he needs her. Her thoughts and concerns are precious, and as she comes to him as her head, he also is sanctified and grows in the Lord. He becomes more like Christ as she displays the beauty of the glory of God, through her submission. 1 Peter 3 shows that the wife’s submissive behavior is the most influential thing on a man’s heart. A wife has the strength to build her home. As she comes to her husband and submits to him, God’s vision for the family is strengthened.

Peter discusses the sanctifying power of a godly woman and how her beauty can even change the heart of a hard, calloused, and ungodly man (1 Peter 3).  Peter describes a beautiful woman as one who is precious, valuable, needed, and cherished both to the husband and to God. He states, “but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” Therefore, beauty for a woman is having a gentle and quiet spirit. And this “gentle and quiet spirit” is displayed by the wife’s submission and obedience to her husband, by looking to him as her head and lord. In the letter to the Ephesians, Paul states, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

Obedience and submission to the husband, is the calling of God for the wife. Her vision should be caught up in supporting her husband’s vision. “A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband” (Proverbs 14:2, Amplified). The bible describes her as noble and strong. This is not the world’s idea of submission. It is a submission and obedience that come from the inner beauty of a woman who knows her God and intimately pursues His glory.  The Proverbs 31 woman is a woman of ingenuity, intelligence, wisdom, strength, and ability. She has the full trust of her husband. “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” Like Joseph, her husband does not need to concern himself with anything under her care. “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” He knows she will support him and his leadership in the vision God has given them as a family. She is his partner and companion. She is his primary support and council. No one, no man or woman, is better suited to help him pursue God. In Proverbs 31, it states, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land” (ESV). This is not a description of the husband, but a description of what the wife has accomplished. Because of her support for her husband, he is known and respected and influential. He couldn’t accomplish this without her. God said, “it is not good for the man to be alone . . . .” The scripture states, “The wisest of women builds her house . . .” (Proverbs 14:1a, ESV). A woman partners with her husband to establish the home. And she can also tear it down in foolishness. The wife has a lot of influence in establishing or tearing down God’s vision for the family. The husband is not meant to do it without her. He desperately needs his wife as a coheir and partner in the Kingdom.

Paul writes in Titus, “Older women, . . . They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” The idea of submission comes from God’s word which means it comes from the very heart of God. He established the role of the wife at creation, and sustained it in the scripture. God established the role of the wife, for God has a bigger vision – the Gospel story of Christ and the Church. Paul states that the relationship between a husband and wife is an image of Christ and the church, a husband or a wife who fail to display their end of that image, are failing to display the Gospel in their lives to themselves and to others, and the Gospel and the word of God is at risk of being reviled. A Godly woman submits to her husband because she has a deep understanding of the Gospel and the power of the Kingdom of God. She has a love for God’s word and trusts her Father. The strongest influence a woman has on her husband is her submission. It is imposing and powerful, not weak. It is the strongest power to turn the heart of a hardhearted calloused man to God. If this kind of man is going to change, the strongest influence is the “quiet and gentle spirit” of a godly wife. And if this is the case for an ungodly man, how much more so is this the case for the godly husband. A godly woman is full of strength and influence and the wisest of them will use that strength to support her husband and build her home.

Submission is valuing who God has made her husband. He can’t do this without her . . . He desperately needs her. She is to look to him because he can’t get it done without her

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When mankind sinned the relational purpose of God for the husband and wife became corrupted. Sin brought curses on mankind, one of those being . . . “[Wife,] Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 ESV) Corruption entered the relationship between husband and wife. The wife’s desire was no longer to serve her husband, but instead was to devour her husband and thus corrupting her husband. And the man’s sinful response to this affront would be to crush his wife and to neglect loving and cherishing his wife, and thus destroying her. We see this same type of wording in Genesis 4, when God speaks to Cain, “sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” In the Hebrew these two passages are identical. Sin desires to overtake devour Cain, but Cain proper response is to crush and put to death sin. And it is in the fall, where both the husband and the wife, because of sin, decided to take up and pursue their own vision and purpose instead of God’s. Sin corrupted the love the husband had for his wife; he no longer cherished her like he should. And the wife no longer supported and submitted to her husband, like she should. God’s vision for the family was corrupted because of sin, pride, selfishness, argumentative spirits, harshness, and more took its place.

It is not God’s design for a man to crush his wife. Nor is he a dictator. He is to portray Christ in His headship. And he is to be under Christ’s headship.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5)

God’s design for man from the beginning was to shepherd his family in the way of the Lord. Man was made to be the head of the family. When mankind sinned God address Adam, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife . . . .” Adam put his wife’s vision above God’s vision. Adam failed as the head of his family by failing to submit and obey to his Head and Lord. He is to lead and protect his family under the vision of God. The man is not allowed to lead by his own interests, desires or whims or the desires of others.  The husband is not allowed to have his own vision, but has the duty of establishing the vision of God for his family, by presenting the Word and the Gospel. The scripture calls husbands to love, cherish, lay down their lives, and lead as Christ does the church. This is a high calling, and is accomplished as the husband lays himself down underneath the headship of Christ. The husband’s first allegiance is to Christ. And through that allegiance to Christ, a husband can love his wife.

The scriptures paint a beautiful picture of the enduring passion and enveloping love of a husband for his wife. The husband is commanded to love his wife in the most intense and sacrificial way, with a love that represents Christ’s love for His church, His beloved. God has commanded husbands to sanctify their wives through loving her, by giving up of themselves for her, and gently washing her with the word. Husbands, this is a romantic picture of love. Imagine the physical picture of this and do this with you words, emotions, and actions toward your wife. There is nothing more romantic. This love is not weak, for the husband’s love comes from the strength of Christ. It is a love that has amazing strength and integrity to it that does not compromise on God’s heart for her, while still being full of tenderness. The husband is to live with his wife in an understanding way learning how to cherish and nourish her as his own body. Our words and actions should build her up, not tear her down. The husband is to love his wife, by shepherding his family towards the love of Christ, not himself. It is a love that firmly calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus. And a husband must follow Jesus to be the husbands his wife needs.

Just as Christ's love is effectual in sanctifying our hearts, the husband’s love through Christ will be the most powerful instrument in changing his wife and helping her to grow in Christ. Even if she is an ungodly woman, this is the story of Hosea and this is the story of Christ and His church. So whether or not she is godly or not, the husband is to passionately love his wife, knowing that this love is effectual. And even if she does not change, the husband’s head is Christ, and he is to be faithful to the covenant that has been made between him and his wife, through Christ.

The scripture describes wives as “cherished”, “delight of your eyes”, “beloved”, “praised”, “more precious than jewels”, and “favor of the LORD”. We are to love our wives above all others and hold fast to her.  In Malachi God says that she is the husband’s companion by covenant. 1 Peter 3 states that she is our co-heir. And husbands are to treat their wives as such. The Lord states that he is a witness between the husband and how he treats his wife, and will not listen to a man who does not cherish his wife

“You cover the LORD's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant”.

(Malachi 2:13-14 ESV)

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7, ESV)

God expects the husband to cherish his wife. And if he does not, his prayers will not be heard. This is sobering. The wife has been given to the husband by God. The husband should not reject or treat this gift with disregard. If he does so it is an affront to God. She is your companion, cherished one, beloved by covenant. But this is the joy that God has given husbands, to portray the love of Christ for His bride. And it is exciting, because just as God has given you your wife, He also has established the covenant between you and your wife and made you her husband. The covenant is made by God and is fulfilled through Christ. A husband leads and loves his family on his knees. And God is faithful and will efficaciously work through a man who sincerely comes to him. And he says, “Come all who are weary.” It in the work of Christ and under the headship of Christ, that a man is able to lead. A Godly man is a man who presses into the gospel.

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“This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church”. (Ephesians 5)

The relationship between a husband and wife represents Christ and the church. It is a portrayal of the cosmic story of the Gospel. How we treat our spouses reflects on this image. This story was set at the beginning when the first man and woman were created. And we have the pleasure of participating in that story in our marriages. We can have faith to believe in the beauty, the wonder, and the romance of the story or we can go our own way. But it is under the vision of God for the family that we find true romance and become participants in something greater than ourselves.

Proverbs 31 describes the single woman not a married woman

"The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him: What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows? Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings. . . . An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels."

I had a random revelation, this morning, I was thinking about verses on being a godly single man and woman, and realized that Proverbs 31 is not describing a married woman, but a single woman.

You see, Proverbs 31 is the advice of a loving mother to her son. She advices him to not seek pleasure in ways that destroy kings, women and alcohol, and instead to pursue justice as a godly man and to find a godly wife. And then we go into a description of this godly woman.

We often read this description of this woman as a description of a married woman, however it is not. It is a description of a single woman. King Lemuel's mother is not telling her son to look for a married woman, but is describing the character of a single woman and telling her son, marry this kind of woman.

God does not have a separate plan for preparing to be a godly single woman than He does for preparing to be a godly married woman. He only has a plan for being a godly woman. Proverbs 31 applies equally to the single woman and to the married woman. God is concerned about the character of a woman and it is the character of a godly woman which will enable her to handle any situation in life, whether married or single.

So single women, read Proverbs 31 again, it was written about you and applies to your life, today. And know that whether single or married, God has called you into an unfading beauty, for you are more precious than jewels.

Proverbs

Righteousness by mere duty, without joy, is a legalistic righteousness. Love for God is the motivation for righteousness. And joy comes with much wisdom, patience, faith, and toil.

Being disciplined is not a burden, it gives you the freedom to run.

Psalm 37, Proverbs 3 - He will act

Psalm 37

3 Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
4 Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.

Proverbs 3

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

7 Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.

A godly husband who can find?

To my sister,

What are you looking for in a husband? My beloved sister, stop and hear this counsel from a godly mother. These words were written to her son, but this advice is also for the heart of a woman as she contemplates on what to look for in a husband. She teaches her son, "Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy Kings." (Proverbs 31) In seeking a husband, there are many things that via for our attraction in the opposite sex, whether it is physical, emotional, social, or financial, but the counsel of the scriptures is to not give your heart to these superficial things. My sister, it is my desire that you protect your heart and your way from being led astray by these things that can so easily destroy and ravage your heart. “Keep your heart with all vigilance for from it flow the springs of life.”

Come close and listen, to the wisdom and counsel of a godly mother, as she speaks to her son in love. She advises her son to find a godly woman in whom he can trust. "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain." Beloved sister, find a man you can trust, who will lead you and your family in the Lord. Find a man you know your heart is safe with. This is surpasses all and will strengthen your heart as a woman. Find a man who will cherish you, a man who seeks your good, in the Lord, even when it hurts. He is not afraid to make a stand on what is good.

I just watched a movie I received during Christmas. And there was a scene where the daughter was talking with her mother about romance. and her godly mother told her, "Do not despise meager beginnings." My sister, many of us men are still learning what it means to lead. We definitely are not perfect. But if you find a man who is devoted to the Lord and devoted to honoring you and loving you and leading his family, the Lord will give him the strength to be good husband. If his foundation is firmly planted in the Lord and scripture, then the house will stand. I have found that that the Lord enables what He commands and will be there close, walking beside a man like this. And that is why you can give your heart to him, because God is near. Find a man attractive, because God is near him.

My sister, you should not have to question the integrity of man’s heart. A godly man will labor to be a man you can trust in his actions and words. His character will be one that does not shy away from accountability, but instead welcomes it. He is a man who is proven. And he does not seek his own gain, but seeks to lead under the headship of Christ. This is a man, who understands that he does not uphold himself or has anything to boast in, but boasts in and depends only in Christ. His heart is the Lord's, first and only.

Here is another quote from the movie I just saw; the mother says, “Just remember, that God has written His own story for you. And it is not the feelings of your heart that it should be based upon, but rather the thoughts of your heart that you need to hear, . . . that tells you that this man will care for you no matter what, that he is someone who will kiss you when you are old and gray, tend to you when you are sick, honor you. . . . a man like that is as rare as a diamond in the rough.”

Beloved sister, don't go for the guy with a lot flair or for the vain things that pull at your heart and attractions, go for the man who has a strong foundation, a man whom you can trust.

In love,
Your brother

Beauty

written 2007

In Proverbs 31, King Lemuel sets down to write as he recalls “the utterance which his mother taught him”. These are the words that a mother installed into her son as a youth, and the words that he carried with him as a man. His mother taught him, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain” . . . “Do not give your strength to women, or your ways to that which destroys kings.” She warns him not to pursue a woman based on outward appearances and pretences, but to cherish incorruptible and satisfying beauty.

As men since we were little we have been hit by the message of the world. It is the adulteress of Proverbs crying out at every corner, “come here this is what is beautiful; this is what will satisfy” (paraphrased). We so often believe these words (“With much seductive speech she persuades him”), and we chase after the lust of our eyes and follow the lures of the adulterous woman, unaware that it will cost us our life, “for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng”. It is as if we are spiritually mad, running after things that have never satisfied us, but only cause us to thirst more. And yet in our thirst, we continue in this madness; we forsake the spring of life for broken cisterns. It destroys men. Proverbs describes its end as death, Jesus describes it as hell. “It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." Men, if you think a beautiful woman will satisfy your physical desires, you are sadly mistaken. “Death and Destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of men.” Our hearts are made for the Lord. This culture has lied to us about what beauty is, it cries out at every corner, and we have bought into it, even in the church. We have let the world cheat us and we have settled for less than what God has for us. It should cause us to weep and be angry.

But that is not the end of this mother’s words, “but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised”. . . “She is far more precious than jewels”. The scripture talks of a woman whose worth exceeds jewels, who is worthy of praise, and is to be honored, and who will also fully gratify all our physical longings and desires. Her beauty goes beyond the imagination of men, is captivating and fully satisfying, and meets the deepest longings of our hearts. It is incorruptible. “Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging of the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” This is not an outward appearance or pretence of godliness, but a deep inner walk with the Lord. It is woman who has a deep trust in the Lord and embraces womanhood.

Men, this beauty is not just spiritual, it is also physically satisfying. God does not ignore the physical aspect to beauty. God is honest about our physical longings. In Proverbs it says,

“Let your fountain be blessed,and rejoice in the wife of your youth,a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden womanand embrace the bosom of an adulteress?”

God commands us to be “intoxicated always” by the love of our wife and to be filled “at all times with delight”. God describes ones wife as beautiful, “a lovely deer, a graceful doe.” This passage is not talking about a young wife with a young body that fits with the world’s description of beauty, but a wife that has grown old with you. She may not have the body of a young woman, but she has the only body that can fully satisfy her husband. The word “fill” here means to have abundance, to be saturated, to have more than enough, to take ones fill. In other words, to have every physical longing filled and to have no need for more. Your wife will fill every physical longing you have. You may be intoxicated by the love of a forbidden woman, but her embrace will never fill your physical longings. “Death and Destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of men.” To rejoice in your wife is a command of God to the men, and I don’t believe God will command something He won’t perform. If you find a godly wife, God will satisfy your every physical longing for beauty as well. It will be filled and overflowing. Men, “let your fountain be blessed”! The Lord is faithful; trust Him to fulfill what He has promised. Do not be led astray by the lies of the adulteress; by death.

This is the standard of what should attract us as men as we pursue to find a wife, physical attributes or pretenses should no longer be the standard. And it is a standard by which we are treat other women who are not our wife. It is not only our duty to have this as our standard of beauty, but it is also our delight and exceeding joy, as God transforms our definition of beauty to His, and His passions become our own. Women need this from us, the passion of God through us, declaring to them that they as women are beautiful, more precious then jewels. Oh, how “good and acceptable and perfect” is the will of God and how wonderful is His gifts to us!

I know it can be hard, we are hit by television, commercials, the media, by how women dress in our society, even walking in grocery stores with images (although much of this can be stopped, if we act as men). I grew up in this as well and it is hard for me and I struggle. But if we give in to it then we are not walking in godliness or in manhood, but instead eating the vomit of this world. What does the Bible say about this? “Therefore I urge you brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is that which is good and acceptable and perfect”. We must ask God to transform the way we think, so that it conforms to Christ and His view of women. We as men are to demonstrate Christ’s heart and love for the women in our lives. The change must start here with us, and we must pass this on to our sons and other men, speaking to them while they are still young, defining for them what a beautiful woman is and teaching them to deny the world, the adulteress woman.

I do not think we can do this alone. I know I cannot do this alone; I definitely don’t have it all together. I need other men to walk, in honesty and openness, with me in this, to covenant with me to fight; to not look at a woman with lust. To keep me accountable and speak straight words to me when I compromise; the scripture says that we are not even to have a hint of sexual immorality. I need men to be men. God is good and He is faithful and we can give Him our hearts in this.


Women, this is not just for men, it is for you as well. Women are not innocent in their view of men. Be careful to not be lured by the trappings and pretenses of this world. Look to your Father who provides all things.

Wisdom cries aloud in the streets,
--in the markets she raises her voice;
at the head of the noisy streets she cries out;
--at the entrance of the city gates she speaks:

----------Proverbs 1:20,21

Doctrine of brothers and sisters

Written August 15 and September 2 and 13, 2007

-----My heart is broken when in upholding truth; we walk away from our brothers and sisters. We should guard truth and sound doctrine with all that we have. I believe this strongly and with all my heart. These are the words of Jesus, himself. Unity, truth, and doctrine are never separated in the Bible. And the Bible is very clear that those men who lead must have sound doctrine. But in upholding truth, we must not exclude believers. If we believe God’s word in all things, we must believe what it says about loving our brothers and sisters. We cannot neglect the doctrine of “brothers and sisters”, in order to uphold another doctrine. We must hold all of God’s word. And if one believes and obeys the Gospel, then they are our brother or sister and we must love them dearly (1 Corinthians 13). It is an unconditional acceptance along with a love that does not settle for less. If they are Christian, they are part of who we are. They are part of our body and we must not cut them off, but instead must nurture them and love them. We must pour into their lives. We must also remember that they too are part of the body and we need them. We must not let pride keep us from learning from them. I need them to be a part of my life and to pour into my life. They are there for my good. I often have told others, I need you, because you are part of my body; you are a part of who I am; you have to be a part of my life.
----- “Iron sharpens iron.” This is messy; I know in my struggle I have often felt like leaving my brothers and sisters. But it is good and sweet to walk with them. And I know for me, I often feel, how could anything part me from those I love so much and are so much a part of who I am in the Body of Christ. We are a part of this body by grace alone and have nothing to boast or be proud of.