Assumptions causing loss of friendships

Lately, I have seen friendships lost because of assumptions. One are both parties have chosen to believe a lie and have already determined in their heart where the other party is wrong and they have already determined they are right. Without listening, they become irrational in their thinking, but tend to package it in away that at least seems rational to them. And so even though they are wrong, they think they are right and have hearts that are hard to hearing the truth. Friendships are often loss. And all this because of an assumption. This is evil and contentious. God hates this. And when we do this we are self righteous fools.

Instead of having hearts that make assumptions. Our hearts should be broken, quick to listen and ready to love, even when we are being wronged. We should be patient with others faults, listening to find out where they are at, and speaking the truth in love. . .

God knows us. He does not make assumptions. And yet He treats us with such grace.

From the book I am reading,. . . today's reading

James 4:1-3

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people!







"When two people have conflict, it is easy to see the war on the outside. But James points out that this war is an outgrowth of a war inside each person's heart. Desires are not being met, so people lash out in an attempt to satisfy those desires. In verse 4, James goes even further. He says that people engaging in ungodly conflict have already begun to worship someone or something other than God. They are guilty of spiritual adultery, which is another way to describe idolatry. The person is giving himself to a false lover.

This simple yet profound explanation of why we do what we do can have a radical impact on a person's life. It is radical because understanding our heart's idolatry opens the door for us to appropriate and apply the gospel. We have finally gotten to the root of things; we are no longer floating on the surface. We know that God is committed to reclaiming our hearts through the work of Christ and the Holy Spirit. When we see our Thorns, they help us to detect our idols, our specific God-replacements, and our ruling desires. We see our hearts need transformation, and we are led to hunger and thirst for grace. This is exactly where James goes in verses 5-10."


Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.


"In verses 5 and 6, James says that God is a jealous lover who will not let you share your affection with anyone but him. . . .God is zealous to recapture our affections, so the Holy Spirit works to reclaim our hearts. Isn't this amazing? Most spurned lovers would not pursue the unfaithful spouse, but God pursues you. . . .

I verses 5-6, God moves toward you and in verses 7-10, he invites you to move toward him. God gives you grace at the very moment you are straying, and promises to give you even more when you repent and humble yourself before him. He loves to shower his mercy upon the humble.

An essential element of growing in grace is a willingness to look at what fuels the ungodly responses in your life. "Purify your hearts", says James. Look at what you allowed to become more attractive to you than the Lord. "Wash your hands," he continues. Exchange your sinful responses for godly ones. . . ."

(quotes form "How People Change" by Lane and Tripp)

To forgive - Do we believe?

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift. – Matthew 5:23,24

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. – Colossians 3:13

Why is that we don’t believe? When our hearts are hurt, we run, we hide, we push others away, but we don’t believe. God has called us to forgive. God has called us to love. God has called us to love even in the hardships and the hurts and when we are sinned against. He has called us to love when love is not returned. He has called us to love our enemies. He has called us to this, not because we are capable of loving or bearing the hurt and pain and suffering, but because He is our refuge and He knows our hurt and pain and our broken heart. And He knows what it takes to heal our hearts. It takes being near Him and making Him our refuge. When we push others away and choose not to forgive, we disobey God, who has called us to grow in love, and we run away from trusting God to be our shelter in the pain. We cannot fully heal till we have forgiven. And even in those situations where it seems impossible to forgive, there is a God full of compassion, who longs to walk along side with us, who longs to hold us and to be with us and to give us the strength to live. We can live our lives seeking to protect ourselves or we can allow God to protect us to be our shelter. So do we believe? Our we willing to trust, and to love, and to forgive?

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." – Matthew 18

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. – Luke 6

Read this : Love is worth fighting for

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

A good and pleasant life is found when we are together

Psalm 133: A Song of Ascents. Of David.

Behold, how good and pleasant it is
when brothers dwell in unity!
It is like the precious oil on the head,
running down on the beard,
on the beard of Aaron,
running down on the collar of his robes!
It is like the dew of Hermon,
which falls on the mountains of Zion!
For there the Lord has commanded the blessing,
life forevermore.

I think if we want what is good and pleasant, if we want the blessing. We must press in to love each other, even in difficult circumstances. Even in the most broken of circumstances. Even when we have wronged each other. Even when we are afraid. Healing is not found in running from hard situations, but running toward each other in love. A good and pleasant life is found when we choose to love and live together and walk through hardships together.

I think it is hard sometimes, because our hearts are involved. When we pursue love our hearts become vulnerable. And its scary because we don't know if we can hold up. Here is the thing, we are not any good at protecting our hearts. It doesn't work. But when we pursue and run after God abandoning our hearts to Him, and we pursue to love others in His strength, He upholds us and becomes our refuge and strength. He is also our healer and our rescuer.


"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

Lecrae Beyond Belief

In Him we live

I was talking with a friend of mine at church, who has a cousin who goes to the church I used to attend. He told me of how much he has seen that is good at that church. We talked about how both church's have their strengths and weaknesses and how we would love to see and longed to see them come together to build each other up. Not based on common interests or ideas, but based on God's word and truth, and a pressing in to build each other up so that each can get closer to that.

God doesn't see denominations or this church or that church. He sees the church. One of the things my friend said that was good. He said that he used to try to get people to come to his church, thinking his church was the answer, but now his focus is to get people to come to Christ.

And so its not about fighing for a denomination or church, but it is about fighting for Truth. Unity comes in submitting to the One we look to.

Lord you know us, sanctify us in Your truth

loving others

A close married friend of mine was talking with me, today. And he said that when you get married you marry for "better or for worse" and sometimes that "worse" is you hurting because you know that you are not the man you want to be for your wife. You don't always know how to be there for her or give her what she needs. And you want so much more for her. But you don't back away. And you are not to be afraid of being her husband. You continue to be her husband and to walk with the Lord in loving her. You are her husband for "better or for worse", even when that "worse" is you.

This convicted me because I don't always feel adequate to be there for others and I always want to give so much more than I seem able to. I don't need to hide because I feel inadequate or because I hurt so much because I do not know how to be there. Sometimes you have to realize, regardless of you adequacy, it does not stop you from being a friend. And sometimes that is all you know how to be "for better or for worse".

Will Metzer Tell the Truth, CH.7, p.108

"Lables are deadly in Christian circles. For example when it comes to the topic of the will, immediately certain views are categorized as Reformed or Arminian. The discussionthen ends because it is thought (wrongly) that as soon as you have given a name to something, you understand it. Instead, there should be continued dialogue in the Scriptures by all of us. Let's fight this labeling fallacy."

Written Thursday, September 6, 2007

I wouldn’t stay inside the warmth of a cozy home and leave my pinky finger outside in the freezing weather. And yet this is what often happens in the church. We neglect the outsider, the person who is different, or the person who is a burden. We leave them outside in the cold instead of bringing them into the warmth and love of fellowship. They are part of our body and we need them. They are a vital part of the body. God is not neglectful in His design.

Lord, help me to be a place of warmth and love for others and to pursue them with Your love.

fads

Written Thursday, September 6, 2007

There are many fads and methodologies in the church. There are fads on what a church is to look like, how it is to be run, what methods are to be used in ministry, how we are to witness, how we are to reach people in other countries, how we are to pray, how we are to worship, how we are to council others, and many more. I know I personally think many of these are good and wise and I plan on using them. But there is a great danger in these fads and methodologies. We are in danger of Idolatry and Pride. We don’t follow a methodology or fad. We follow a person, Jesus. Christ is the center, not a fad. And when we loose that center, we loose objectivity and soundness in the scriptures, in life and in ministry. Our site is skewed and we loose our focus and solid foundation. Our walk with God is God centered. It is about Him and being known by Him. We are not to follow fads, but are to walk with Him and to get to know Him through the scriptures and obedience. We are to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. Oh, what great joy it is to follow Christ! In Christ alone will I stand! “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

“He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.”

"But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ."

Quote from Under the Overpass by Mike Yankoski

“Love can’t cover wrongs if we let frustrations and failures keep us apart.”

Doctrine of brothers and sisters

Written August 15 and September 2 and 13, 2007

-----My heart is broken when in upholding truth; we walk away from our brothers and sisters. We should guard truth and sound doctrine with all that we have. I believe this strongly and with all my heart. These are the words of Jesus, himself. Unity, truth, and doctrine are never separated in the Bible. And the Bible is very clear that those men who lead must have sound doctrine. But in upholding truth, we must not exclude believers. If we believe God’s word in all things, we must believe what it says about loving our brothers and sisters. We cannot neglect the doctrine of “brothers and sisters”, in order to uphold another doctrine. We must hold all of God’s word. And if one believes and obeys the Gospel, then they are our brother or sister and we must love them dearly (1 Corinthians 13). It is an unconditional acceptance along with a love that does not settle for less. If they are Christian, they are part of who we are. They are part of our body and we must not cut them off, but instead must nurture them and love them. We must pour into their lives. We must also remember that they too are part of the body and we need them. We must not let pride keep us from learning from them. I need them to be a part of my life and to pour into my life. They are there for my good. I often have told others, I need you, because you are part of my body; you are a part of who I am; you have to be a part of my life.
----- “Iron sharpens iron.” This is messy; I know in my struggle I have often felt like leaving my brothers and sisters. But it is good and sweet to walk with them. And I know for me, I often feel, how could anything part me from those I love so much and are so much a part of who I am in the Body of Christ. We are a part of this body by grace alone and have nothing to boast or be proud of.