Here is an article on how common genital herpes are within the US population. Herpes will spread even if a condom is worn and also can spread with any sexual contact, not just coitus. The idea that there is safe sex or safe sexual acts (such as oral sex, etc.) is simply not true. If there is any physical contact these things can spread. There is also no cure for this condition.
Herpes is not the only STD that is spread in a similar way. Genital warts are also common and spread through contact with the condom not providing protection.
In the diseases where a condom helps such as HIV, it only reduces the risk, it does not get rid of the risk all together.
I have known many Christians (including myself) who have fallen into sexual immorality, because they lost their sensitivity to what it means to be pure. And they have lost their sensitivity to sexual sin.
A lot of this lack of sensitivity is because what we have chosen to be entertained by. There is a reason that God said to flee sexual immorality, to not come near it, to not even entertain a hint of it. It is because God knows that if we do, we will probably fall.
20 But I have this against you, that you tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess and is teaching and seducing my servantsto practice sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols.21 I gave her time to repent, but she refuses to repent of her sexual immorality.22 Behold, I will throw her onto a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her I will throw into great tribulation, unless they repent of her works,23 and I will strike her children dead. And all the churches will know that I am he who searches mind and heart, and I will give to each of you according to your works.
In the early church, Christians refused to participate in the entertainment of Rome at the time, because it involved taking life. They were willing to make this stand against the culture even when it was hard because they wanted to live lives that honored their Lord and others. They loved the Lord and refused to be entertained by the things He hated. They refused to love entertainment more than God. They also loved others and refused to participate in an entertainment that victimized others and destroyed their lives (even if those being victimized were willing participants). They stood up and defended the lives of others.
Today, Christians often refuse to give up their entertainment in order to stand up for others. Worse, they refuse to give up their entertainment for God. There are many movies that have absolute sinful scenes and yet we love our entertainment more than God, the scriptures and others.
One area of entertainment where we have lost our sensitivity is sexual immorality. I am shocked when I here a Christian struggling with whether or not it is ok to watch a movie with a sexual scene in it. The fact that this would even be a question, shows how much the church has lost their sensitivity to things that are evil. I don't think we would be willing to go and watch a live couple commit some sexual act or be nude in our living room or anywhere else for that matter for entertainment, even if we turned our heads or went into the other room. But we are willing put up with it and watch it behind the safety of a tv or movie screen. Realize this, these are real men and women, just as real as if they were there live, committing real sexual immorality and sin. Having a screen or the fact that it is a good movie otherwise doesn't make it less real.
This is not good and this struggle is not good. This is a symptom of a heart grown cold toward the things of God. It shows how far our hearts have come from God in this area. When we struggle, it shows that our hearts are pulled to loving other things more than God. There should not be a struggle. God is clear on his view of sexual immorality. We are not to have any part in it, not even a hint of sexual immorality. And God is also clear that we are to love others and to love with an agape love (a love that is strong, stronger than our for fleeting entertainment). It should break our hearts that our entertainment industry promotes sexual immorality and adultery and takes advantage of people, just as in Rome they took advantage of the gladiators for their entertainment. Looking away or fast forwarding is like going to watch a gladiator battle and looking away or taking a break to go to the restroom right before the one kills the other, but still being entertained by the pomp and festivities around the fight, and on top of that you are still giving them the money to continue to produce these death fights by attending. Even though you say you are not participating in the bad parts, you are. God has called us to be a light, to bring goodness and justice; to love others and to be willing to stand up for the good of others, even when it hurts, even when we must miss a movie we really want to watch.
Just a short time ago this was not a hard issue. It was not complicated. It was not a struggle. It was a dishonor to being entertained by a movie was a movie or anything that defiled the marriage bed or demeaned a man or woman sexually, no matter how good the rest of the movie was. A man was not a man of honor if he watched these kind of movies. It was called integrity and honor. A man or women still has no honor if they chose to participate in a movie like this. Our hearts have grown cold. This issue has only become complicated because of an increased love of entertainment and a decreased love for God, His word, purity and a decreased love for others and justice. We love our entertainment more than we love God and more than we love others.
I am writing this, not because I am any better, but because I want this in my own life. I want my own heart to turn from being cold in these areas where I struggle with this and to turn to love. I want the parts in my own heart that have been corrupt to become pure. I want the God who searches our hearts to search my own, and put to death this in me. I want to love. And I want to stand for the things that God loves. And I want to love others. And I want to love my Beloved.
The commercials I have seen show a sex scene. And I have seen enough, where if that were my daughter or my wife, I'd be upset and angry and broken about it. So I don't see that I can say that its not ok for my daughter or my wife and then be ok with seeing it with another woman. That would be pretty hypocritical. And it would be wrong.
Basically, for me its more of a justice reason than a lust reason. Although both are definitely issues. We have a culture where men would rather be entertained, turn their heads for a moment, and watch a movie that dishonors a woman than to stand up for her and protect her. When we support movies like this we are supporting an industry that dishonors both men and women.
So we have a choice to be entertained or to be men (or Christians).
Read this, it will give you a better idea of where I am coming from: Purity and Justice
I was talking with a friend, tonight, how I would like to see the new Star Trek movie, but will not go see it because it demeans and dishonors women. As I was talking with him, I realized and started discussing with him how I don't know one man, who is able to watch movies that have sexual content, even if they choose to turn away or switch the channel, who does not deal with sexual impurity in their own lives. Not one.
God has been really challenging me lately. Over the past year or so He has been teaching me what it means to love someone. One of the things I've been wrestling with is how I would respond if the woman God would have me marry had a history of sleeping around and had had an abortion. Two very difficult things to come to grips with. It would be hard.
But I know this, I'd want her to feel safe and loved. I'd want her to feel pure and cherished. I'd want her to feel secure in my love and that she could trust me with her heart.
I'd want a woman to know this not just in a marriage but also as a brother. I know with my real sisters I want this. And I want my sisters in the Lord to know that they are deeply loved.
I am glad that God has put this on my heart. And has had me work through this, cause it has taught me more about the Gospel. God did not pursue a virgin, but a harlot, which is what I am without his grace. I murdered His Son. And yet God loves me and has covered my sin. This is the Gospel. This is the Love Story. I want to know this love and I want to love others with this kind of love.
6. Acknowledge that without the Holy Spirit I can do no good thing
7. Pray that He will do it, change my heart’s desire
---a. Transfer desire to God
---b. Create in me a pure, clean, steadfast, and determined heart
---c. No compromise
---d. Cleanse me from my sin
------- i. make me innocent
---e. A love for justice and goodness
------ i. an example for other men
-------ii. honoring to women
---f. Hate sin
-------i. Burn ships
-------ii.Put to death violently
---g. Simper Fidelis
-------i.Establish my ways
-------ii. Act and do what you know is right; obey
-------iii.When you fall get up and fight
---h. Flee
8. When you fall, do not back away, but come close to the Lord and other men
9. We must believe that sin will no longer have dominion over us. Reckon yourself dead to sin. Believe God will change your heart. Do not judge God’s timing – keep pursuing purity.
10. Be a man after God’s heart
11. That you will satisfy the desires of my heart and fill me with good things
12. Thank God for the virtue and good He as done and enabled you to do.
o The Lord will have His rightful place, the first (the only) place. He is my first love.
o To live by faith
o To pursue others with faithfulness
o To honor my sisters
o To be pure, to be a man of honor
o That you will prepare my heart to be a home
o Lord, I want to be a one woman man, save my heart for my wife, and if or until I am married, Lord have my heart, in this.
o To trust that You will keep what I have committed to You
o To trust that You will meet my deepest needs and desires in this area
o You are the good Shepherd
o To lay it down at Your feet, to live fully as a single man- to commit myself to You (Being single is not to seek marriage, but to be free to seek the Lord undistracted, devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. We will pursue Him alone, seeking no other.)
I apologize for writing so much, but school has slowed down at least a little, so you will have to put up with the free time I have to write. I want to address an issue that I have seen in my life and the Lord has been challenging me on. It is in the area of the movies that I watch. I think we all know that the scripture calls us to be careful at what we put before our eyes. And we all know that watching nudity or a sexual scene is wrong and sinful. I know most of us if watching a movie with a scene like that would turn away at that part or skip over it while watching the movie. Perhaps that keeps us from lusting, I am not totally convinced on that, I know I have seen otherwise in people who would espouse that, but I won’t argue about that, now. I will, however, say that I do not think it is the proper response, regardless. I do not think it is the response that Christ would have, nor even us, if Christ were physically present watching the movie with us.
Several months ago, I was watching a movie that was great, except an unexpected scene where for a moment where there was a woman naked. In this movie, it was very discrete and you could not see anything, but the Lord stirred something in me and started challenging me. Lust is not the only issue; we must also capture God’s heart for justice. After watching the movie, God asked me if I should watch a movie that asked a woman to perform naked, regardless of how discretely they did it or whether I turned my head during the scene. Is this honoring to women? Yes, maybe, I doubt it, but maybe, I could get away from that with out having a seed of lust, but what about justice for the woman, who was asked to dishonor herself for the sake of a movie. For a woman to be asked to perform naked, to be put in a sex scene, to be dressed inappropriately, or to be dishonored in any way is wrong and unjust, and as men we need to stand up and be a covering for our women and stand up against this injustice. Let me put it this way, how would I respond if that woman were my daughter or my wife. I would be angry, and not just a little so, but intensely angry. That anger is righteousness and it is how we ought to respond when we see these things in the world. Why are we willing to put up with a woman being dishonored for the sake of mere entertainment, why not, act as men of God instead?
Since pursuing this stand (I say pursuing, because I am still growing), I have been accused of being legalistic and a weaker brother and more, which is a perversion of the scripture. It is not legalistic to believe in the beauty, the sweetness, and goodness of the scripture, nor is it weak to honor and to protect women and to value them above your desire for entertainment. On the contrary, I think it is scary when we take a scripture like “But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be not filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.” and we “strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel” like the Pharisees so that we can have an excuse to watch a movie. We legalistically say that we are not committing adultery or lusting, but disobey the heart of God in justice and honor. We seek to shape the scripture to our image in stead of obeying Romans 12:1,2 in becoming conformed to the image of Christ. This verse says there should not even be a hint of sexual immorality, and yet we are willing to put up with movies that have course jokes about sex and are lude and disgraceful, which the scripture elsewhere, as well, speaks directly and sternly against.
What do I feel like the Lord is asking of us? Love honor. Love justice. Do not put up with such things. Do not watch movies that dishonor women. If you are watching a movie and these things are in it, do not just turn your head, but get angry with the things that anger the Lord and turn it off. Why would you want to watch a movie that dishonors women that should instead be cherished? Why not instead, make a stand against such things? Men, stop being the weaker brother, and be men who honor the Word and make a stand for honoring women. I am writing this mainly for men, because we ought to not be put to shame in this, but instead we ought to lead out in this and be the first to act, but, women, also to you, I say do not put up with this. Do not watch these things. Also do not watch things that dishonor men. And I would say also do not let a man pursue you, if he is not willing to make a stand on this. If he does not know how to honor women, then how will he honor you?I will also ask for you as women to pray for us, because our culture has really pushed these things and we often need the Lord to take us aside and show us His heart and teach us how to be men. I know I need prayer. Also encourage us to be men in this.
This letter has been mostly about watching movies that dishonor women, but I think this is, obviously, not the only movies we need to stay away from. I want to challenge us to look at the scriptures and see what it says about the movies that we watch and to seek justice and to not put up with immorality for the sake of entertainment. And I want to challenge, especially the men, to be men and to have convictions, to be first in this, and to start taking a stand.
Also, I want to say that I am not saying that I am there yet, but that is not an excuse for us not to encourage each other in the Lord to live life to the fullness. Let us be men in challenging each other to grow in our pursuit of joy and beauty and honor and abundant life.
I was talking with a friend the other day, who had invited a girl to a group event. She is one of those girls that most of the guys find attractive. I told my friend to look after her as a brother. I told him she needed a man who will bring out who she is not just take her. Talking about that with my friend made me think. Do we look for relationships for what we can get out of it or do we look for relationships so that we can serve and build others up. I want to say this to the guys, if you are going to be a husband you have to learn to lay your life down for others (and not just women), or you won’t be able to do this for your wife. It starts now on how you pursue friendships. My relationship with my sisters is not so that I can have a wife, but is to, as a brother, build them up and encourage them in what the Lord has for them. If someday (with much accountability and prayer) building a sister up means marrying them, then so be it, but in the meantime my relationship with my sister’s is not to get my needs met, but to serve.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Written Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Sexual immorality was used to defeat Israel through Balaam, sexual immorality has crippled the men of the church, today.
In Proverbs 31, King Lemuel sets down to write as he recalls “the utterance which his mother taught him”. These are the words that a mother installed into her son as a youth, and the words that he carried with him as a man. His mother taught him, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain” . . . “Do not give your strength to women, or your ways to that which destroys kings.” She warns him not to pursue a woman based on outward appearances and pretences, but to cherish incorruptible and satisfying beauty.
As men since we were little we have been hit by the message of the world. It is the adulteress of Proverbs crying out at every corner, “come here this is what is beautiful; this is what will satisfy” (paraphrased). We so often believe these words (“With much seductive speech she persuades him”), and we chase after the lust of our eyes and follow the lures of the adulterous woman, unaware that it will cost us our life, “for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng”. It is as if we are spiritually mad, running after things that have never satisfied us, but only cause us to thirst more. And yet in our thirst, we continue in this madness; we forsake the spring of life for broken cisterns. It destroys men. Proverbs describes its end as death, Jesus describes it as hell. “It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." Men, if you think a beautiful woman will satisfy your physical desires, you are sadly mistaken. “Death and Destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of men.” Our hearts are made for the Lord. This culture has lied to us about what beauty is, it cries out at every corner, and we have bought into it, even in the church. We have let the world cheat us and we have settled for less than what God has for us. It should cause us to weep and be angry.
But that is not the end of this mother’s words, “but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised”. . . “She is far more precious than jewels”. The scripture talks of a woman whose worth exceeds jewels, who is worthy of praise, and is to be honored, and who will also fully gratify all our physical longings and desires. Her beauty goes beyond the imagination of men, is captivating and fully satisfying, and meets the deepest longings of our hearts. It is incorruptible. “Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging of the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” This is not an outward appearance or pretence of godliness, but a deep inner walk with the Lord. It is woman who has a deep trust in the Lord and embraces womanhood.
Men, this beauty is not just spiritual, it is also physically satisfying. God does not ignore the physical aspect to beauty. God is honest about our physical longings. In Proverbs it says,
“Let your fountain be blessed,and rejoice in the wife of your youth,a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden womanand embrace the bosom of an adulteress?”
God commands us to be “intoxicated always” by the love of our wife and to be filled “at all times with delight”. God describes ones wife as beautiful, “a lovely deer, a graceful doe.” This passage is not talking about a young wife with a young body that fits with the world’s description of beauty, but a wife that has grown old with you. She may not have the body of a young woman, but she has the only body that can fully satisfy her husband. The word “fill” here means to have abundance, to be saturated, to have more than enough, to take ones fill. In other words, to have every physical longing filled and to have no need for more. Your wife will fill every physical longing you have. You may be intoxicated by the love of a forbidden woman, but her embrace will never fill your physical longings. “Death and Destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of men.” To rejoice in your wife is a command of God to the men, and I don’t believe God will command something He won’t perform. If you find a godly wife, God will satisfy your every physical longing for beauty as well. It will be filled and overflowing. Men, “let your fountain be blessed”! The Lord is faithful; trust Him to fulfill what He has promised. Do not be led astray by the lies of the adulteress; by death.
This is the standard of what should attract us as men as we pursue to find a wife, physical attributes or pretenses should no longer be the standard. And it is a standard by which we are treat other women who are not our wife. It is not only our duty to have this as our standard of beauty, but it is also our delight and exceeding joy, as God transforms our definition of beauty to His, and His passions become our own. Women need this from us, the passion of God through us, declaring to them that they as women are beautiful, more precious then jewels. Oh, how “good and acceptable and perfect” is the will of God and how wonderful is His gifts to us!
I know it can be hard, we are hit by television, commercials, the media, by how women dress in our society, even walking in grocery stores with images (although much of this can be stopped, if we act as men). I grew up in this as well and it is hard for me and I struggle. But if we give in to it then we are not walking in godliness or in manhood, but instead eating the vomit of this world. What does the Bible say about this? “Therefore I urge you brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is that which is good and acceptable and perfect”. We must ask God to transform the way we think, so that it conforms to Christ and His view of women. We as men are to demonstrate Christ’s heart and love for the women in our lives. The change must start here with us, and we must pass this on to our sons and other men, speaking to them while they are still young, defining for them what a beautiful woman is and teaching them to deny the world, the adulteress woman.
I do not think we can do this alone. I know I cannot do this alone; I definitely don’t have it all together. I need other men to walk, in honesty and openness, with me in this, to covenant with me to fight; to not look at a woman with lust. To keep me accountable and speak straight words to me when I compromise; the scripture says that we are not even to have a hint of sexual immorality. I need men to be men. God is good and He is faithful and we can give Him our hearts in this.
Women, this is not just for men, it is for you as well. Women are not innocent in their view of men. Be careful to not be lured by the trappings and pretenses of this world. Look to your Father who provides all things.
