God's vision for the family (revised)

God’s vision for the family is part of the story of mankind. It began at creation and was set out to as a reflection of the image of God and the story of the Gospel, and God’s establishment of a Kingdom with a people, place, and king. God’s vision for the family reflects this purpose, and it began when God created Adam . . . .

 After God (the King) made a garden (the place) and then created man (the people) and placed him in it. And before he had made the woman, he immediately gave him a task and a vision. . .

“The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”

God had given Adam a purpose, a work, and a vision to accomplish in establishing the Kingdom. God was the Author and the King of Adam’s vocation. Adam did not set his own agenda or go his own way. In joy, love, and delight, Adam looked to God for his vision and purpose. However God knew Adam couldn’t accomplish this vision alone; dominion of the earth could not be accomplished by one man. God said, “It is not good for man to be alone”. And so God brought the animals before Adam in order to see if a helper could be found to accompany Adam in his task. Yet Adam did not find a helper fit for him among the creatures God had made. . . .

So God put Adam to sleep and created a helper that was fit . . . a woman, someone who was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. And after having gone through all the animals, when Adam saw the woman that God had brought him, he cried out in joy,

                “This at last is bone of my bones

                                and flesh of my flesh;

                she shall be called Woman,

                                because she was taken out of Man.”

(Genesis 2:23 ESV)

Finally, after all his searching, he “at last” found someone above all the others who was a helper perfectly fit to walk alongside him in the vision God had set for them. In bringing the animals before Adam, first, God demonstrated that Adam was to love and cherish his wife above all others. That is why it is said,

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 ESV)

We see this not only from the very beginning of creation, but also later, as Paul and Peter both look back to God’s purposes for marriage and have as their core exhortation to husbands . . . love, value, and cherish your wives. And in the Old Testament, through the prophets, God states, “she is your companion and your wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:14b ESV). Husbands, your wives are to be cherished, are to be held close, and to be your companion by God’s purpose, design, and covenant. If a man does not love his wife, the man is in rebellion against God.

God had given Adam a task and vision he could not accomplish alone. And for this reason God made the woman. The wife is the husband’s companion in pursuing God’s Kingdom.

After presenting the woman to Adam and bring them together, God blessed them both, added to Adam’s vision and purpose, and together commanded them to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion . . . .” The woman was created as a helper fit to help support, and walk alongside Adam as they accomplished this command of establishing the Kingdom together. Without her it would not have been possible. This too was God’s vision for the family from the beginning. And again later, we see Paul and Peter also echoing this vision as they both exhort wives to submit to and respecting their husbands. Proverbs 31 words it this way,

                 An excellent wife who can find?

                                She is far more precious than jewels.

                The heart of her husband trusts in her,

                                and he will have no lack of gain.

                She does him good, and not harm,

                                all the days of her life.

                (Proverbs 31:10-12 ESV)

“The heart of her husband trusts in her . . .” She was to bless her husband in this task. She was at last is a helper fit for man to be a co-heir, a partner, someone who will support Adam in pursuing God’s vision. “She is far more precious than jewels.”

                So the man is to love and cherish his wife. The wife is to respect and support her husband. And through this, they are to partner in accomplishing God’s vision. We see this outlined by Paul, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” Understand this . . . no one is allowed their own vision, except for God. The wife does not have her own vision, nor does the husband. But each have their roles in accomplishing God’s vision for the family. That is why as I have been writing I keep referring to God’s vision. This is important. The purpose of mankind is not to pursue its own glory, but to pursue the Glory of God. I repeat, no one is allowed to have their own vision, and to do so is rebellion. The husband is not allowed to set his own vision for the family, nor is the wife allowed to have her own vision for the family; both are to pursue God’s vision together. The scripture teaches “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:25 ESV). Keeping this in mind, let us look at the roles for the husband and wife further . . .

Man was created first. Adam also named the woman. These were both signs of his authority. From the beginning the husband was created to lead and to be the head of his family. The husband’s headship was not an afterthought. Paul makes this clear in 1 Timothy 2, when he appeals to this as the reason for man’s authority in the church. Paul also refers to this fact elsewhere, “For man was not made from woman, but woman from man” (1 Corinthians 11:8 ESV). The woman was given to the man because he could not accomplish God’s vision without her. Adam needed his wife to succeed. Her support for God’s vision was essential. It was part of God’s design to accomplish the vision God had for mankind. And after God had presented the woman to the man, God “saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31 ESV). The roles God had established between the man and the woman were beautiful, breath taking, splendid, grand, pleasurable, and life giving.

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The role God had given the woman at the beginning was intensely beautiful and imperishable. She is to be a support and help-meet to her husband. The scripture says that the head of the woman is the man. The wife is to look to her husband for instruction and value his leadership and direction. God gave Adam his commandment, before He made the woman. Adam was to speak God’s word’s to his wife. Paul describes how wives are to be cleansed and sanctified by their husbands through the washing of the word (Ephesians 5:26). Apart from God and the scripture, the husband should be the first and primary source of sanctification and teaching for the wife. This is one of the reasons why Paul states in 1 Corinthians 14, “If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home” (ESV). The wife is to look to her husband in this, because he needs her. Her thoughts and concerns are precious, and as she comes to him as her head, he also is sanctified and grows in the Lord. He becomes more like Christ as she displays the beauty of the glory of God, through her submission. 1 Peter 3 shows that the wife’s submissive behavior is the most influential thing on a man’s heart. A wife has the strength to build her home. As she comes to her husband and submits to him, God’s vision for the family is strengthened.

Peter discusses the sanctifying power of a godly woman and how her beauty can even change the heart of a hard, calloused, and ungodly man (1 Peter 3).  Peter describes a beautiful woman as one who is precious, valuable, needed, and cherished both to the husband and to God. He states, “but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” Therefore, beauty for a woman is having a gentle and quiet spirit. And this “gentle and quiet spirit” is displayed by the wife’s submission and obedience to her husband, by looking to him as her head and lord. In the letter to the Ephesians, Paul states, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

Obedience and submission to the husband, is the calling of God for the wife. Her vision should be caught up in supporting her husband’s pursuit of God’s vision. “A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband” (Proverbs 14:2, Amplified). The bible describes her as noble, influential, powerful, and strong. This is not the world’s idea of submission. Our culture does not define or understand submission correctly. It is a submission and obedience that come from the inner beauty of a woman who knows her God and intimately pursues His glory.  The Proverbs 31 woman is a woman of ingenuity, intelligence, wisdom, strength, and ability. She has the full trust of her husband. “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” Like Joseph, her husband does not need to concern himself with anything under her care. “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” He knows she will support him and his leadership in the vision God has given them together as a family. She is his partner and companion. She is his primary support and council. She is the number one influence in his life. He desperately relies on her strength. No one, no man or woman, is better suited to help him pursue God. In Proverbs 31, it states, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land” (ESV). This is not a description of the husband, but a description of what the wife has accomplished. Because of her support for her husband, he is known and respected and influential. He couldn’t accomplish this without her. God said, “it is not good for the man to be alone . . . .” The scripture states, “The wisest of women builds her house . . .” (Proverbs 14:1a, ESV). A woman partners with her husband to establish the home. And she can also tear it down in foolishness. The wife has a lot of influence in establishing or tearing down God’s vision for the family. The husband is not meant to do it without her. He desperately needs his wife as a coheir and partner in the Kingdom.

Paul writes in Titus, “Older women, . . . They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” The idea of submission comes from God’s word which means it comes from the very heart of God. He established the role of the wife at creation, and sustained it in the scripture. God established the role of the wife, for God has a bigger vision – the Gospel story of Christ and the Church. Paul states that the relationship between a husband and wife is an image of Christ and the church, a husband or a wife who fail to display their end of that image, are failing to display the Gospel in their lives to themselves and to others, and the Gospel and the word of God is at risk of being reviled. A Godly woman submits to her husband because she has a deep understanding of the Gospel and the power of the Kingdom of God. She has a love for God’s word and trusts her Father. The strongest influence a woman has on her husband is her submission. It is imposing and powerful, not weak. It is the strongest power to turn the heart of a hardhearted calloused man to God. If this kind of man is going to change, the strongest influence is the “quiet and gentle spirit” of a godly wife. And if this is the case for an ungodly man, how much more so is this the case for the godly husband. A godly woman is full of strength and influence and the wisest of them will use that strength to support her husband and build her home.

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When mankind sinned the relational purpose of God for the husband and wife became corrupted. Sin brought curses on mankind, one of those being . . . “[Wife,] Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 ESV) Corruption entered the relationship between husband and wife. The wife’s desire was no longer to serve her husband, but instead was to devour her husband and thus corrupting her husband. And the man’s sinful response to this affront would be to crush his wife and to neglect loving and cherishing his wife, and thus destroying her. We see this same type of wording in Genesis 4, when God speaks to Cain, “sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” In the Hebrew these two passages are identical. Sin desires to overtake devour Cain, but Cain proper response is to crush and put to death sin. And it is in the fall, where both the husband and the wife, because of sin, decided to take up and pursue their own vision and purpose instead of God’s. Sin corrupted the love the husband had for his wife; he no longer cherished her like he should. And the wife no longer supported and submitted to her husband, like she should. God’s vision for the family was corrupted because of sin, pride, selfishness, argumentative spirits, harshness, and more took its place.

It is not God’s design for a man to crush his wife. Nor is he a dictator. He is to portray Christ in His headship. And he is to be under Christ’s headship.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5)

God’s design for man from the beginning was to shepherd his family in the way of the Lord. Man was made to be the head of the family. When mankind sinned God address Adam, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife . . . .” Adam put his wife’s vision above God’s vision. Adam failed as the head of his family by failing to submit and obey to his Head and Lord. He is to lead and protect his family under the vision of God. The man is not allowed to lead by his own interests, desires or whims or the desires of others.  The husband is not allowed to have his own vision, but has the duty of establishing the vision of God for his family, by presenting the Word and the Gospel. The scripture calls husbands to love, cherish, lay down their lives, and lead as Christ does the church. This is a high calling, and is accomplished as the husband lays himself down underneath the headship of Christ. The husband’s first allegiance is to Christ. And through that allegiance to Christ, a husband can love his wife.

The scriptures paint a beautiful picture of the enduring passion and enveloping love of a husband for his wife. The husband is commanded to love his wife in the most intense and sacrificial way, with a love that represents Christ’s love for His church, His beloved. God has commanded husbands to sanctify their wives through loving her, by giving up of themselves for her, and gently washing her with the word. Husbands, this is a romantic picture of love. Imagine the physical picture of this and do this with you words, emotions, and actions toward your wife. There is nothing more romantic. This love is not weak, for the husband’s love comes from the strength of Christ. It is a love that has amazing strength and integrity to it that does not compromise on God’s heart for her, while still being full of tenderness. The husband is to live with his wife in an understanding way learning how to cherish and nourish her as his own body. Our words and actions should build her up, not tear her down. The husband is to love his wife, by shepherding his family towards the love of Christ, not himself. It is a love that firmly calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus. And a husband must follow Jesus to be the husbands his wife needs.

Just as Christ's love is effectual in sanctifying our hearts, the husband’s love through Christ will be the most powerful instrument in changing his wife and helping her to grow in Christ. Even if she is an ungodly woman, this is the story of Hosea and this is the story of Christ and His church. So whether or not she is godly or not, the husband is to passionately love his wife, knowing that this love is effectual. And even if she does not change, the husband’s head is Christ, and he is to be faithful to the covenant that has been made between him and his wife, through Christ.

The scripture describes wives as “cherished”, “delight of your eyes”, “beloved”, “praised”, “more precious than jewels”, and “favor of the LORD”. We are to love our wives above all others and hold fast to her.  In Malachi God says that she is the husband’s companion by covenant. 1 Peter 3 states that she is our co-heir. And husbands are to treat their wives as such. The Lord states that he is a witness between the husband and how he treats his wife, and will not listen to a man who does not cherish his wife

“You cover the LORD's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant”.

(Malachi 2:13-14 ESV)

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7, ESV)

The wife is not just a companion but a co-heir and co-worker in the Kingdom of God. God told them both, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” The husband must value his wife as a co-heir and co-worker in accomplishing this. She is is to be his primary counsel and an equal partner in this vision. God requires that the man leads in a way that cherishes his wife as an equal partner in this vision.

God expects the husband to cherish his wife. And if he does not, his prayers will not be heard. This is sobering. The wife has been given to the husband by God. The husband should not reject or treat this gift with disregard. If he does so it is an affront to God. She is your companion, cherished one, beloved by covenant. But this is the joy that God has given husbands, to portray the love of Christ for His bride. And it is exciting, because just as God has given you your wife, He also has established the covenant between you and your wife and made you her husband. The covenant is made by God and is fulfilled through Christ. A husband leads and loves his family on his knees. And God is faithful and will efficaciously work through a man who sincerely comes to him. And he says, “Come all who are weary.” It in the work of Christ and under the headship of Christ, that a man is able to lead. A Godly man is a man who presses into the gospel.

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 “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church”. (Ephesians 5)

The relationship between a husband and wife represents Christ and the church. It is a portrayal of the cosmic story of the Gospel. How we treat our spouses reflects on this image. This story was set at the beginning when the first man and woman were created. And we have the pleasure of participating in that story in our marriages. We can have faith to believe in the beauty, the wonder, and the romance of the story or we can go our own way. But it is under the vision of God for the family that we find true romance and become participants in something greater than ourselves.

Strength of a woman

"Every woman, whether rich or poor, married or single, has a circle of influence within which, according to her character, she is exerting a certain amount of power for good or harm. Every woman by her virtue or her vice, by her wisdom or her folly, by her dignity or her levity is adding something to our national elevation or degradation." —John Angell James

A quarrelsome wife

When a man has a wife who is constantly crushing his thoughts, ideas, vision, it starts to destroy the man. There is a place for healthy constructive and appropriate edification. A man thrives on that and often welcomes it from his wife, “rebuke a wise man and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8b). Godly men thrive on godly edification from their wives. They love it. A quarrelsome wife, however; is quick to find fault with her husband’s ideas, no matter how good they are. She is critical of his thoughts without truly listening to what they are. She assumes false motives from her husband, no matter how noble they are. No matter how much knowledge he has on a subject, she treats him as if he knows very little. She doesn’t trust in his leadership, and is only happy when she is leading.

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.  –Proverbs 21:9

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; --Proverbs 27:15

It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.  – Proverbs 21:19

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. –Proverbs 25:24

A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain. –Proverbs 19:13

 "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Eph. 4:29

There are many wives who just don’t realize that they are being the foolish woman. They are just not aware. And it is not intentional. This is a link to an article that talks about some practical ideas for learning to be a woman who supports her husband.

practical ideas for supporting your husbands vision



       

The Incalculable Impact of One Woman

True Womanhood Looks Like Christ

Training for one of the most important careers

Our society tends put an emphasis education and on training for a job, but little emphasis is placed on training our children for the most important career they will have - being a husband/wife, father/mother and keeping a home. These skills take a lifetime to learn and require purposeful and intentional training and growth. We are foolish if we take them lightly or wait till we are in those situations to learn. Thankfully God's grace is there for us all and God is a good trainer and shepherd, and if our hearts our willing to pursue these things He will be there.

Preparing older daughters in the home

True Woman 2010

From True Woman 2008

Beauty fades even in youth and for the still poster perfect

"Like a gold ring in a pig's snout

is a beautiful woman without discretion."

I have heard so many stories of  man who marries a beautiful woman in appearance, only to soon regret his decision, because the woman had no discretion.  This woman who was once a beautiful woman to him, quickly becomes as beautiful as a ring in a pig's snout to him. Even though she has not aged, her beauty fades away.

The opposite is true for a man who marries a woman because of her godly character, no matter her physical appearance. "She is far more precious than jewels." She lets her "adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." This man boasts in his wife and is filled with great joy when thinking of her. Instead of fading, her beauty, both physical and internal, grows and increases and is abundant. And he is satisfied by her physical appearance.

Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.

 
Her children rise up and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.”

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands,

and let her works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31 describes the single woman not a married woman

"The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him: What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows? Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings. . . . An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels."

I had a random revelation, this morning, I was thinking about verses on being a godly single man and woman, and realized that Proverbs 31 is not describing a married woman, but a single woman.

You see, Proverbs 31 is the advice of a loving mother to her son. She advices him to not seek pleasure in ways that destroy kings, women and alcohol, and instead to pursue justice as a godly man and to find a godly wife. And then we go into a description of this godly woman.

We often read this description of this woman as a description of a married woman, however it is not. It is a description of a single woman. King Lemuel's mother is not telling her son to look for a married woman, but is describing the character of a single woman and telling her son, marry this kind of woman.

God does not have a separate plan for preparing to be a godly single woman than He does for preparing to be a godly married woman. He only has a plan for being a godly woman. Proverbs 31 applies equally to the single woman and to the married woman. God is concerned about the character of a woman and it is the character of a godly woman which will enable her to handle any situation in life, whether married or single.

So single women, read Proverbs 31 again, it was written about you and applies to your life, today. And know that whether single or married, God has called you into an unfading beauty, for you are more precious than jewels.

Woman foundation of culture - Alexis de Tocqueville

"[I]f I were asked, now that I am drawing to the close of this work in which I have spoken of so many important things done by the Americans, to what the singular prosperity and growing strength of that people are mainly to be attributed, I should reply, to the superiority of their women."  -- Alexis de Tocqueville

Quotes from So Much More: The Remoarkavle Influence of Visionary Daughters on the Kingdom of God by Anna Sofia Botkin and Elizabeth Botkin

Quotes from So Much More: The Remoarkavle Influence of Visionary Daughters on the Kingdom of God by Anna Sofia Botkin and Elizabeth Botkin

"Honor is more than just a feeling or sentiment; it's something you practice daily."

"God meant for women to be honored and respected. However, this respect was not to be gained in the same way as for men. It is said, "Behind every great man there is a great woman." In times past, people would see a great man and know that much of his greatness ans success was due to his wife, and she would be honored and praised accordingly. Because women are not praised for being good wives and furthering their husbands in our society, it is little wonder that women don't think of that as being a praise-worthy thing and seek praise and glory elswhaere. No wonder our society is so short of real men! If our men aren't successful, it largely means that their women have not made them successful. They need our help." p. 46,47

"Confiding in our fathers (and, of course, or mothers) is another way we can show them honor. When we let our fathers know our hearts - our struggles, our weaknesses, our hopes and dreams - it encourages them to pay closer attention to the instruction and guidance they give us."

" We have a friend who used to ask us, very kindly, but pointedly, 'Do you get your father's slippers for him?' . . . . His point was, 'Are you helping your father even in the small things which he might never ask help with?' Those are things that will simply make his life more comfortable and pleasurable, things that will simply bring joy to his heart and make him more free to accomplish the work that God has given him. " p.48,49

"My father is responsible before the Lord for the guidance of his famiy. His heart is relieved and encouraged when he can trust his household, when he knows that our hearts are with him, that his wishes are obeyed, that his decisions are submitted to cheerfully, and that his family is praying for him and supporting him as he seeks guidance from the Lord. Helping my father has been a fun adventure and one that I am constantly growing in and learning from." p. 49

"A real woman understands that God designed femininity because masculinity was not enough in itself to represent God's image and glory. The differences downplays God's glory. A real woman wants to bring glory to God by being a woman." p. 76

"By self-denial, we mean something deeper than the usual meaning, 'denying yourself things you want'. Rather we mean 'denying that you have a "self"' " p.77

"The kingdom of God is depicted by relationships. It advances through relationships. Remember it was not good for Adam to be alone."

"We can dress in drab grays and browns, wear no makeup, and grease our hair flat back, but if we are haughty in heart and proud of our own 'righteousness', we are as worthy of judgment as the 'mincing' daughters of Zion." p.87

BarlowGirl - Sing me a love song

Choosing a Wife/Beauty is Vain - Tim Conway

Men, if we all started treating beauty as vain, we would change the world. For us few, who will do this, we will be a strength to those around us.


    

Training a woman for a career

I was listening to a sermon, today, about raising daughters. One of the points of the sermon was how in our culture the focus is to train women for a career. Even in homes where it is believed that the mother should stay home, often the thought is to train her for a career and then when she gets married, she can leave the career and be a mother, as if being a mother is an easy thing and doesn't need much training.

This is backwards. When we train our daughters, the focus of our training should be to train them for God's calling on their lives, not the world's opinion on what they should be. The focus of training our daughters is to teach them how to be godly women and to equip them to follow the calling that God has for them as wives and mothers.  This does not mean that we don't educate our daughters or equip them with skills. The Proverbs 31 woman was a skillful and well educated woman. She was truly and independent woman and quite capable of taking care of herself. And she was quite capable of taking care of others. She kept her family warm and helped a many hungry have a full belly. And even quite capable in business matters, as well. And a godly woman should hone these giftings that God has placed in her. But these giftings are used to build up the home and to establish God's work in her as a mother and wife and the ministry of her home. These giftings are not for building her career. A career is never her focus, being a godly woman and a godly mother and a godly wife are her focus.

So in training our daughters our focus should be in training her to be a godly woman, not a career woman.

One objection might be what if my daughter never marries. There are two things, a daughter is under the father till she marries, so if needed she has that as a protection. But even with out her father's care, a woman like the Proverbs 31 woman, is more than adequately capable of facing the hazards of this world and has the mental fortitude as well as the strength and wisdom to do well. Also a woman well trained in being a wife and a mother has been trained in skills that will not be wasted, they will help her as a single woman both for herself and for others. A woman trained in this way is a huge asset to the church and to others, whether or not she ever marries.

Roles women in the church can take - Ask Pastor Tim Conway

http://biblical-womanhood.blogspot.com/

Finding a man to lead a Bible Study.

What does a woman do if its on her heart to get a group of people together in community to grow in Christ, to grow and study the bible together. The scripture is very clear that a woman cannot lead a bible study where there both men and woman. So what can a woman do if this is on her heart.

First, prayer asking got to raise a man to lead. I think this is one of the most powerful things. And God will definitely hear this prayer if you patiently wait on Him.

Some possible other things that you can do is
- talk to the pastor, elders, deacons and ask him to find a man to lead it.
- encourage the men around you to lead. Ask them to lead. This is a skill that many women need to learn. Ask God and He will give you wisdom on how to encourage the men around you to lead.
- continue to pray. Get the women together and pray earnestly for this
- Don't lead or teach over men. God is a God of His word. Not only would it be sin to lead or teach over men, but your stating God is not a God of His word and you can't trust Him. You can trust Him. Don't do things your way.

As I search the word on this, the reason God would not have a woman lead or teach over men in this situation is because He has something greater in mind. He wants to strengthen the church. And it is a powerful thing, where you have a church with women who are earnestly praying. Be patient, wait on the Lord, trust His timing. These women will have more influence and more honor and more respect than if they took it upon themselves instead of allowing God to take control.

Pulpit and women

Advice to men in looking for wives

Biblical Womanhood by Voddie Baucham

"The greatest influence on earth whether for good or for evil, is possessed by woman."

Future Homemakers¹

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Nicole Whitacre

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As a young woman, I often lay in bed at night and wondered about my future. I stared hard into the darkness, as if God had put the answers there. I had a longing to do great things for God. I imagined myself as a missionary in another country, maybe even a nurse. (I assumed my tendency to faint at the sight of blood would not be a problem.) I had visions of speaking to crowds of women, leading many to the gospel.

What I didn't yet understand was that God's plan for me was greater than what my imagination could conjure up. It was also very different than what I thought.

How about you? What are your dreams and aspirations for your future? How do you answer the well-meaning adults who ask about your plans after high school?

It may surprise you to learn that God in the Bible has already given you a sneak peek into your future. As women, we are all appointed to be keepers of the home (Prov 31:10-31; 1 Tim 5:14; Titus 2:5). Someday you may be called to love a husband and bring up children and make a home for them. Or as a single woman, you may be entrusted with a home from which you extend hospitality and vital service to your church and community. While you may pursue many other God-honoring tasks or occupations throughout your lifetime, you are also called to be a homemaker.

This is our purpose in life, what John Angell James calls a "woman's mission"—to "affect society through the medium of family influence."² You see, being feminine isn't just who we are; it's also what we do. Our feminine identity comes with a unique task: to change the world by devoting ourselves to home life.

Now this does not mean that the Bible confines girls and women to their homes. The Proverbs 31 woman—the ideal homemaker—pursued endeavors outside of the home for the good of her family. And, of course, single women will have careers that require them to work beyond the home. But Scripture unapologetically sets forth the high priority of the home for each and every woman.

Although this is our clear mission from God, not many young women aspire to be homemakers these days. While there are many other worthy careers they may consider, homemaking isn't usually on the list of desirable options.

However, it wasn't so long ago that women thought differently about homemaking. As author Danielle Crittenden points out, "Whether it's the pleasure of being a wife or of raising children or of making a home—[these] were, until the day before yesterday, considered the most natural things in the world."³ Today the most natural thing in the world is for girls to consider any career except that of homemaker. So what happened? When did homemaking fall off the radar screen for young women?

To make a very long story short, forty years ago a revolution known as the feminist movement set out to "liberate" our mothers' generation from being tied down to the home. And part and parcel of the feminist message was "a disdain of domesticity and a contempt for housewives."⁴

And there is perhaps no greater measurement of the success of feminism than the fact that our generation no longer considers homemaking a viable career. As my mom has written, "Feminist philosophy has become thoroughly integrated into the values of mainstream society—so much so, that it has been absorbed and applied by the majority of women, even many who do not consider themselves feminist."⁵ The feminist revolution is not a revolution anymore; it's simply a way of life.

While motherhood has made a comeback in the ratings of late—and only as a worthy interlude in an otherwise successful career—homemaking in its full scope remains unpopular. Thus you may not have thought of housewives (a term usually employed while looking down on someone) as being world-changers before. But looks can be deceiving. True greatness isn't always flashy or attention-grabbing when it arrives on the scene. I didn't see it at first either.

My mom is a homemaker. I grew up with a living model of a woman who utilized all her intelligence, creativity, and energy to create a home and care for her husband and children. But I didn't always fully appreciate the true significance of her chosen career.

Sure, I wanted to get married and have kids someday and have a home of my own, but I lacked a biblical understanding and vision of the importance and priority of my future calling. However, Mom did not allow me to remain ignorant for long. Through Scripture, hours of conversations, and helpful books, she presented to me the noble calling of a homemaker and its powerful effect in the world.

I learned that, as John Angell James wrote, quoting Adolphe Monod, "The greatest influence on earth whether for good or for evil, is possessed by woman."⁶ Modern-day pastor John MacArthur echoes his sentiment:

The family might survive the problems with children and husband-fathers if the women who are wives and mothers were faithful to their godly calling. Their influence is so strong and pervasive in the home that it can mitigate the other influences. . . . when a wife and mother fulfills her God-given duty, she acts as a barrier against that family's dishonoring God and His Word.⁷

Mom not only taught me of the power of a homemaker's influence in the world but about the fulfilling nature of her job. Dorothy Patterson elaborates,

Homemaking, if pursued with energy, imagination, and skills, has as much challenge and opportunity, success and failure, growth and expansion, perks and incentives as any corporation, plus something no other position offers—working for people you love most and want to please the most!⁸

Through my mother's example and training, I caught a vision of the importance of my future mission. I knew that whether or not I got married, and no matter what other tasks God might have for me, I wanted to fulfill my biblical calling to be a "keeper of the home."

Today, although I may not be doing important works by society's standards, I am doing great things for God, by His grace. Although God did not call me to be a missionary in another country, I am able to share the gospel with my little boy, Jack. While I may not be an encouragement to thousands, I can pray for and encourage Steve, the godly man who is my husband. And I finally realized that I wasn't cut out to be a nurse, but each and every day I have the opportunity to serve the church and reach out to the community, all from the base of my home.

I know many other women, married and single, who are quietly and without fanfare starting a counterrevolution. They are intelligent, talented, godly visionaries who are seeking to change their world by answering God's call to be homemakers.

Carolyn McCulley is one such single woman. She has turned her back on the feminist ideology she formerly embraced and now enthusiastically serves others through her home. While she holds down a demanding job, she also thrives on hosting singles and married couples alike in her home for fellowship or evangelism (and even gourmet meals!). She loves to have children—especially her nieces and nephews—spend the night. In fact, Carolyn has recently written a book to encourage other single women to embrace God's feminine design.⁹

Another revolutionary is my friend, Jonalee Earles, a young wife and mother. She was a straight-A student in high school who went on to study interior design and could have had her pick of career options. However, she's chosen to invest her creative talent into making a pleasant and delightful home for her husband and their three small children. Jonalee is a wonderful wife, an exceptional mom, and a skilled and artistic homemaker. In her spare time she helps other women decorate their homes.

Stephanie Pyle is a future homemaker. A bright college student at the local university, she does not hesitate to tell others that she hopes to make use of her degree as a wife and mother someday. Her fellow students are perplexed but curious. Stephanie is a young woman who has a clear vision of the importance of the home.

Carolyn, Jonalee, and Stephanie are participating in what one person called "the great task of renovating the world":

Even if we cannot reform the world in a moment, we can begin the work by reforming ourselves and our households—It is woman's mission. Let her not look away from her own little family circle for the means of producing moral and social reforms, but begin at home.¹⁰

You want to join us? I must warn you that the world will not applaud you. Or worse, they may look down on you and criticize you. I guarantee there won't be awards given out for homemakers—at least, not in this world. And we probably won't see the effects right away. But our influence will surely outlast our lives.

Actually you don't have to wait until a future day or time to get started on your mission. You can begin today. My mom, Carolyn Mahaney, will tell you how in the following article. But for the moment, consider: When the next person asks about your plans after high school, how will you respond? Will you join the vast number of women who have tossed away the keys to the home? Or will you join the homemaker's mission to change the world with the gospel?

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Endnotes

¹ From Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Mahaney Whitacre, copyright 2005, pages 143-48. Used by permission of Crossway Books, a ministry of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois 60187, www.crossway.com.

² John Angell James, Female Piety: A Young Woman's Friend and Guide (Morgan, PA: Soli Deo Gloria, 1860, repr. 1995), 91-92.

³ Danielle Crittenden, What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1999), 22.

⁴ F. Carolyn Graglia, Domestic Tranquility (Dallas, TX: Spence, 1998), 92.

⁵ Carolyn Mahaney, Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2003), 103.

⁶ James, Female Piety, 72.

⁷ John MacArthur, Foreword to Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock, Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God, (Chicago: Moody, 2003), 12.

⁸ Dorothy Patterson, "The High Calling of Wife and Mother in Biblical Perspective," in Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood (ed. John Piper and Wayne Grudem; Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 1991), 377.

⁹ Carolyn McCulley, Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with A Hope Deferred (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2004).

¹⁰ Barbara Welter, "The Cult of True Womanhood: 1820-1860," American Quarterly, 18 (Summer 1966), 53, 174; quoted in Susan Hunt, The True Woman (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 1997), 24.