Responses to cultural family views

In battles within the church on what it means to be a godly family, husband, wife, father, and wife, etc., more often than not you have different cultural views vying and setting blows for supremacy. Issues of the family are close to the heart and our views are developed within the culture we were raised in. Our views are often ingrained in us and it can be hard to separate truth from fiction, culture from scripture.

Many responses (fortunately not all) I read or hear about on family issues are not objective writings  or thoughts exploring the heart of God in these matters. On all sides of the issue, preferences suddenly become commands and wise and objectively good things are foolishly rejected out of fear for legalism. All in an interest to defend our little kingdoms. Both are equally foolish and sinful. We love promoting our culture or kingdoms. We might claim a view is pharisaical and extra-biblical only to fail to realize that our views are just also another cultural response from another end and we are just as pharisaical and extra-biblical, if not more so, then we are claiming the other perspective is. It is not about defending the scripture, it is about defending what I think is true. We are insane. It is easier to defend one’s cultural views, then it is to live in the Gospel and submit to scripture. For the scripture is always challenging us, pointing out our sinfulness, and putting to death our culture views and working to replace them with the Kingdom of God. 

It is rare to see people actually lovingly and honestly listening and trying to understand the other person’s perspective. And there is some good stuff out there on the scriptural view of the family if people would take the time to really listen and get to know what the view is. Often it is just rejected outright because it doesn’t fit our culture. And if it doesn’t fit our culture it must be wrong. It is much easier to create a straw man, then it is to listen. It is easier to attack then it is to love. It is easier to defend ones kingdom and ones views, instead of being open minded and exploring the depths and wonders of the scriptures on these matters.


Being open minded requires death. The scripture is very clear on that matter. In order to understand the depths of God’s wisdom and beauty, we must continually lay our bodies down as living sacrifices and not be conformed to the wisdom of this world. Because we are born in sin and are raised in a culture of sin often the truths we fight for are either only partial truths or not truth at all. We naively fight for the kingdom of this world, because it is the one we have known or have grown to love. It is one that we feel comfortable with. And we have learned to defend or comfort zone well. In Christ, a new Kingdom has come, one that is vastly different from the kingdom of this world or any of the thoughts of men. His ways are not our ways. They don't fit any cultural phenomena that we have known or can conceive. But as we diligently lay our lives down and allow the scriptures to wash over us, we will come to know this Kingdom more and more. We will be gripped by its wonder and beauty and we will realize that we are not called to the wisdom of this world, but to something that shakes and shatters the very foundation of this world and is meant to only leave those things found in Christ. This is also the attractiveness of this Kingdom. There is no greater beauty than Christ. 

If we want to understand what the scriptures say about family issues, we must leave our cultural perspectives on the altar. Stop holding on to and defending your culture perspective, even in areas where we are right. In defending them our hunger for God is diminished. Our cultural perspectives don’t fit in the Kingdom of God. Even when they our correct, they are way too small, we must still die to ourselves. Allow the scriptures to do their work, to wash over us. We will spend a lifetime grasping the depths, height, and width of God’s perspective on these matters. And these heights and depths, and widths are ok to explore. And they ought to be explored. Because of the Gospel, we don’t need to be afraid to explore these things.

"...very much" 2011 by Doug Phillips

"...very much" 2011 from Douglas Phillips on Vimeo.

Training for one of the most important careers

Our society tends put an emphasis education and on training for a job, but little emphasis is placed on training our children for the most important career they will have - being a husband/wife, father/mother and keeping a home. These skills take a lifetime to learn and require purposeful and intentional training and growth. We are foolish if we take them lightly or wait till we are in those situations to learn. Thankfully God's grace is there for us all and God is a good trainer and shepherd, and if our hearts our willing to pursue these things He will be there.

Preparing older daughters in the home

Large Family - Duggars and Bates

God calls us to be stewards, God created us to cultivate

God created us to cultivate,  to reflect His character in making beauty out of chaos, when we loose that, we loose a part of who we are.

As a culture and just in our sinful nature, we often have become comfortable with lifestyles that our lazy and messy. We avoid cultivating the things God has placed in our lives. Instead of being the faithful stewards God created us to be, we willing to settle for less joy  than what God has for us, because we think we know ourselves and our desires better than God. We think we know what we are created for better than God.

 When we see the weeds, we try to save ourselves by avoiding the weeds. We choose not to cultivate, because we think we are better off ignoring the hardships of the weeds. We listen to the foolish woman in Proverbs and run after her. And we weary ourselves our attempts to avoid the weeds.

When God created man, He created man to be a steward, to work and to cultivate, to make beauty out of chaos. He created us to reflect Himself. This is a part of the very fabric of what we were created to be.

No, we are not to be perfect, and, yes, there are many weeds, we have fallen from our original state. There is also death and decay. Nor our we to be legalistic or take things to the extreme, sin has made this world full of weeds, and there is a realistic understanding of that, we are not perfect not is our cultivating perfect. But this is still who we are, and despite the weeds, God still calls us to cultivate. We are still to reflect God's heart, and we are still to faithfully act as stewards of what He has given us. We are to still work and make beauty out of chaos.

God is more concerned about our hearts and that we have hearts that pursue being faithful stewards who seek to make beauty out of chaos, than the results. And this will look differently for different situations. But God does not want us to have hearts that when we find weeds, instead of being faithful stewards, we make excuses to not cultivate and be faithful stewards, and instead turn to ourselves and our own immediate wants and desires and become lazy and in the process loose what He created us to be. The foolish woman seems right and pleasing, but God has called us to something more. The foolish woman makes us weary, but God in His wisdom calls us to rest in who He has created us to be.

Quotes from So Much More: The Remoarkavle Influence of Visionary Daughters on the Kingdom of God by Anna Sofia Botkin and Elizabeth Botkin

Quotes from So Much More: The Remoarkavle Influence of Visionary Daughters on the Kingdom of God by Anna Sofia Botkin and Elizabeth Botkin

"Honor is more than just a feeling or sentiment; it's something you practice daily."

"God meant for women to be honored and respected. However, this respect was not to be gained in the same way as for men. It is said, "Behind every great man there is a great woman." In times past, people would see a great man and know that much of his greatness ans success was due to his wife, and she would be honored and praised accordingly. Because women are not praised for being good wives and furthering their husbands in our society, it is little wonder that women don't think of that as being a praise-worthy thing and seek praise and glory elswhaere. No wonder our society is so short of real men! If our men aren't successful, it largely means that their women have not made them successful. They need our help." p. 46,47

"Confiding in our fathers (and, of course, or mothers) is another way we can show them honor. When we let our fathers know our hearts - our struggles, our weaknesses, our hopes and dreams - it encourages them to pay closer attention to the instruction and guidance they give us."

" We have a friend who used to ask us, very kindly, but pointedly, 'Do you get your father's slippers for him?' . . . . His point was, 'Are you helping your father even in the small things which he might never ask help with?' Those are things that will simply make his life more comfortable and pleasurable, things that will simply bring joy to his heart and make him more free to accomplish the work that God has given him. " p.48,49

"My father is responsible before the Lord for the guidance of his famiy. His heart is relieved and encouraged when he can trust his household, when he knows that our hearts are with him, that his wishes are obeyed, that his decisions are submitted to cheerfully, and that his family is praying for him and supporting him as he seeks guidance from the Lord. Helping my father has been a fun adventure and one that I am constantly growing in and learning from." p. 49

"A real woman understands that God designed femininity because masculinity was not enough in itself to represent God's image and glory. The differences downplays God's glory. A real woman wants to bring glory to God by being a woman." p. 76

"By self-denial, we mean something deeper than the usual meaning, 'denying yourself things you want'. Rather we mean 'denying that you have a "self"' " p.77

"The kingdom of God is depicted by relationships. It advances through relationships. Remember it was not good for Adam to be alone."

"We can dress in drab grays and browns, wear no makeup, and grease our hair flat back, but if we are haughty in heart and proud of our own 'righteousness', we are as worthy of judgment as the 'mincing' daughters of Zion." p.87

The Purpose of Family Worship - Voddie Bauchan

The Consequences of Feminism - Voddie Baucham

The Children's Hour by Henry Longfellow

The Children's Hour by Henry Longfellow

Between the dark and the daylight,
When the night is beginning to lower,
Comes a pause in the day's occupations,
That is known as the Children's Hour.

I hear in the chamber above me
The patter of little feet,
The sound of a door that is opened,
And voices soft and sweet.

From my study I see in the lamplight,
Descending the broad hall stair,
Grave Alice, and laughing Allegra,
And Edith with golden hair.

A whisper, and then a silence:
Yet I know by their merry eyes
They are plotting and planning together
To take me by surprise.

A sudden rush from the stairway,
A sudden raid from the hall!
By three doors left unguarded
They enter my castle wall!

They climb up into my turret
O'er the arms and back of my chair;
If I try to escape, they surround me;
They seem to be everywhere.

They almost devour me with kisses,
Their arms about me entwine,
Till I think of the Bishop of Bingen
In his Mouse-Tower on the Rhine!

Do you think, o blue-eyed banditti,
Because you have scaled the wall,
Such an old mustache as I am
Is not a match for you all!

I have you fast in my fortress,
And will not let you depart,
But put you down into the dungeon
In the round-tower of my heart.

And there will I keep you forever,
Yes, forever and a day,
Till the walls shall crumble to ruin,
And moulder in dust away!

Fatherhood - consequences

Voddie Baucham

Daddy's little gift

Cinderella

Two of my sisters had babies over the Summer, a boy and a girl. Recently, I went to go see my new niece for the first time. That sister already had a girl, who I thought was the greatest neice any uncle could have, so I was a little nervous about seeing this new baby girl. I couldn't see loving her more and I didn't want to have favorites. Funny, fear I know, but it was there. Anyways, I walked in the door and saw my new neice and instantly loved her and knew there would be no favorites. My other sister sent me pictures of my nephew and he is amazing.

Not only do I love them, but a huge hunger to teach them about God and what it means to walk with the Lord stirred up in me. To be there for them and establish a godly heritage. It was interesting, I've heard how father's are changed when they see their child for the first time. I think I understand a little bit of what that's like.