To be torn apart, will we follow? . . .

“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” – Philippians 2:5-11

Several years ago, while a group of people were praying for me, I was given two pictures by them. One was of a Lion in the desert, content under the shade of a tree. The other was me walking through thorns, being torn apart and bleeding, but behind me where the blood was flowers began to bloom. I liked the first picture, I don’t know that I could say I liked the second one. It scared me. At the time I was going through a difficult time, and didn’t see how I could handle this. But I am learning that if I am to truly minister in this world where sin has reeked so much havoc, the only way I can do that is to go through it, just as Christ did. Christ said that we our to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow him. This means that just as He humbled himself and came to a fallen broken earth and reached out to the hurting and despised, the drunk and harlots, and the sinners. He touched the lepers, the sick, and smelly beggars. He was born in a manger. He suffered and died. He took our sin upon himself. And we are to be like Christ.

Here is the paradox the picture of suffering and the picture of the strength and contentment of the Lion are the same. You can’t have one without the other. The slain Lamb is the Lion. And so we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing the strength, the joy, and the power of the Kingdom and the King that we serve.

Does God have a great purpose for your life? pt 2

"In you, O LORD, do I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame;"

I wrote in the last post, that sometimes what God has for us is not what the world would call great. What God may have for us may even be mundane. This does not mean that God is mundane in the way He treats us or loves us or uses us. It just means that instead of striving to be great, we commit our lives to His faithfulness, trusting that He will bring about His purposes whether in the mundane or not so mundane. One of the things great about God is that He is always great, even in the things this world may call not so great. His wisdom is not the wisdom of the world. So press into Christ with all you might, knowing that He is faithful, and He is great, and His purposes for your life are our in His faithful hands.

Psalm 37:3,4 "Commit your way to the LORD, trust in him and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday."

1 Corinthians 12:12

12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit.

14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18 But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

Does God have a great purpose for your life?

A friend of mine made this statement last night, "God did not tell us to seek a purpose for our life, that is something we have made up . . ." He had gone through a difficult time and fell into a deep depression because he was trying to find the purpose that God had in his life and couldn't find any. When he looked at his life, he felt like everything he touched failed. After going through a long depression, he started asking God, "What is important to you?". He came to realize that "None of this stuff is about us anyways".


It is not about us. It is not about having a great purpose in life. It is not about our purpose at all, it is about His. And He can either choose to do that in the mundane or He can choose to do that in what the world or the church calls great. We are God's handiwork. We are the clay and He is the potter, and He forms the clay as He wishes, for His purposes alone.

Birthday Wish

What do you do when you are told that God has said, “no” to what you want most?




I heard this story of a man who was engaged to be married. He had the life he dreamed of, but he risked it all to help a slave escape to freedom. For this, he was put away in prison for five years. His fiancé faithfully waited those five years. When he was released from prison after those five years, he immediately went and helped another slave gain their freedom and was caught again. He was put in prison for another fifteen years. Another man was put into prison for not denying the gospel. He was taken away from his beloved and his children. His daughter was blind and he did not know how his family would be provided for. He longed to be there for his family, but he could not deny the gospel. Another man was engaged when he came to Christ. He knew that he could not marry his betrothed if she did not know Christ so he talked with her and shared with her the gospel. She became a believer. The country was Muslim so to become a Christian meant severe consequences, so they agreed to escape and be married. She never showed up at the meeting place. Her family found out that she had become a Christian and gave her to a Muslim man to be his wife. He would never see her again.


As my birthday nears, I have been thinking about the desires of my heart. If I were to ask God for a birthday present, what would I ask for? I have desires that are so deeply rooted in my heart and that I long for so intensely that I cry out to God, “It is only by Your mercy and grace that I could survive if these were taken away.” I know I could look at my desires. I could ask God to give me the desires of my heart, but I know that that is not a real prayer. I am not asking him to do that. Instead I am asking him to make me more dependent on Him, to trust Him more. To hold on to that treasure that is deeper than the things of this world. To hear His voice. To hold fast and to cling to Him, who is my life.



Off to the English Civil War

Tell me not, sweet, I am unkind
That from the nunnery
Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
To warlike arms I fly.

True, a new mistress now I serve
The first foe in the field
And with a sterner faith embrace
The sword, a horse, a shield.

Yet this inconstancy is such
As thou too shalt adore.
I could not love thee, dear, so much
Loved I not honor more.

---- Richard Lovelace


I must love God more than the desires of my heart, or I don't have anything. All is loss compared to him. Abba, I pray that you set this truth deep in the roots of my heart, and may my heart be dependent on Thee. Command what Thou wilst, and grant what Thou commandest. My heart is Yours, my Lord.

but for a moment

"Some wish to live within the sound of church or chapel bell, I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell."
- C.T. Studd


Abba, help me to become less, take away my selfishness, and help me to run after Your love.

focus on me

I want to lay my life down for others. But I have noticed that I get in the way. When I strive to lay my life down, I get all jumbled and somehow the focus gets on me. No matter how much I hate it, I seem to be good at that. Only when, I admit I cannot do it and run into the grace of Christ, do I really serve.

Grace to love

My pastor read an ancient description of Paul, “a man small of stature, with a bald head and crooked legs, in a good state of body, with eyebrows meeting and nose somewhat hooked, full of friendliness for now he appeared like a man, and now he had the face of an angel.” I was struck by the description “full of friendliness”. I want people to feel loved and cherished and safe around me. I am humbled knowing that that’s not something I can be, nor am I there. There is definitely no place for me to boast. I don’t have the appearance or the social skills; all I have is Christ.

I am so thankful for His grace, that can take someone like me, who is so much of a wreck, and fill my heart with His love for others. He fills us with Himself, so that we can be " full of friendliness". It is His grace.

I wrote this in my 20's

“The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” The most challenging adventure is to touch and captivate the minds and hearts of students, reaching them where they are. I want to teach because the prize is so great! I have learned that the reward of pouring out you life for others is of much more worth than mere material wealth. You gain delight and joy. Yes, it is a struggle. Yes, you suffer, but you gain delight and joy. As a teacher you impact the lives.

I also want to teach, because so often the children of today have forgotten the beauty, the passion the hidden treasures, and the adventure there is to learn and discover. They are drawn in this society and persuaded to love things that are fading, to love things that do not touch their minds or their hearts. They are taken captive by propaganda and advertisement and live in this instead of beauty and truth. They have forgotten to think for themselves. They have much knowledge but it is not based in thought. They lack learning skills. They lack discipline. They need to be led in the way they ought to go.

I want to teach children how to face this world. I want to teach the truth without bias, so that they might be grounded, to face what ever comes up against them. I want to teach with variety, interest, vigor, stimulating them to seek out knowledge. I want to teach them where they are, how they learn, who they are. I want them to be able to know how to think and learn. I want them know beauty. I want them to live passionate lives.

I am a very simple person. I want to teach because I like beauty.

Written November 20,2007

God does not command us to seek love from men, but instead he commands us to love one another.