Be slow to speak, quick to listen

"If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame."  – Proverbs 18:13

We are often so quick to speak into another person’s life, being quick to speak and slow to hear. We have already determined what is going on in that person’s heart. We may ask questions, but even those questions are only asked to get the person to see what we already know. And in this we break God’s commandment to not bare false witness against another and we falsely judge our brother.

"The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water,
    but a man of understanding will draw it out."

A man who is willing to understand will not be presumptuous or place his own assumptions on a person, but instead will be patient and will listen, and pursue drawing out what is in the man’s heart.

It is one thing to call out a man on a specific sin he is committing. It is another to tell him what is going on in his heart. God does call us to help one another in this, but it is to be done with patience and understanding. Like exploring deep water it takes more work than just looking at the surface. And if that is all you are willing to do, then it is to your folly and shame.

God alone knows our hearts fully.

"The heart is more deceitful than all else
And is desperately sick;
Who can understand it?
I, the Lord, search the heart,
I test the mind,
Even to give to each man according to his ways,
According to the results of his deeds."

As we explore one another’s hearts, we must also come humbly before God, knowing he alone can reveal a man’s heart. We are not able to understand our own heart and even so the heart of another. We can however pursue each other in patience and love, allowing God to reveal our own hearts to one another. God alone understands the heart and we must come to him and listen in order to understand another person's heart.

And this is our pursuit as we come to one another in admonition to die to our own words and to allow the word of Christ to speak into our hearts, that we may together come to know Christ more and more.

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Let the blow come

"Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it." Psalm 141:5

Our sinful nature endears us to defend and attack those who bring a rebuke into our lives. We want to defend our worth, our righteousness. How dare they attack me? And look at them anyways, they are so messed up. Who are you to confront me? Go repent of your own sins?

We hide our sins. We hold them down like a beach ball in water, wavering and struggling as we try to keep them from coming out in the open. We keep people away. The water may be murky but if they are too close they might see the beach ball. And if someone should come close enough to see this beach ball in the water, we create elaborate lies to defend our kingdom and to keep them out. Because we are so focused on keeping this beach ball out of view, our view becomes so narrow, and we miss so much.

And if someone does come close enough to see our beach ball and say something, no matter how slight. We are like a bear defending her cub. This is how dear our sins are to us. We will rip anyone up for even possibly coming close or having any hint of rebuke. We are like a ruthless lawyer not concerned with truth or the others, only that we defend our appearance of worth and righteousness, even if it destroys those around us.

Not allowing rebuke is destructive to our lives and to our relationships. Our lives become a cycle of living a lie, by keeping people away and ripping them apart if they get too close. And if the beach ball does come out of the water it comes out explosively, destroying those around us. Not only do we do this with others, but we also push God away. We look and focus on protecting our sin, instead of looking to Jesus.

The scripture teaches us a different approach to rebuke - put your guard down, let the blow come. And as we let our guard down and that blow comes, we become covered with the oil of kindness and joy and delight. When we get the gospel and it becomes rooted deeper and deeper into our hearts, the more we want our hearts to be exposed. The more we want our ugliness to be laid bare. The more we long for our brothers and sisters to love us enough to rebuke us. Because in this we have freedom. We no longer have to struggle to hold the beach ball under water. We have the freedom to be honest about our sin and we have the freedom to grow in intimacy. It is refreshing and a joy to be rebuked, because it is in these rebukes that our sins which once hindered our view of Jesus become revealed and are cast off, and we get to behold more and more the beauty of our Lord.

 So let your guard down and let the blow come . . .