Pain

From a letter I wrote today

"Sorry, for being down last night. I honestly don't know how to deal with my hurt, except to cry out to the Lord. Right now, I am weak and falling apart. The psalms talks about great pain and bones being wracked and the like. The Psalmists felt pain and sorrow intensly. I think we read this and think that it is not normal when it happens. We get over spiritual and say we shouldn't feel this way. Well, I do feel this way! I am hurting, but I assure you that my eyes are on Christ and I am running after Him. And I believe He will hold me durring this. He already is. I will not loose my confidence in Him, and though my heart is hurting and it is hard, I know He is good. I trust Him, so dearly. I am thankful i don't have to be perfect before Him, but He accepts me as I am, wounded, weak, and hurting. Feel free to pray for me, I don't believe our walk of faith is done alone. Your prayers are effective in giving me the strength I need to walk through this."

I am being very vulnerable with my pain here, more than I normally would, because we hear a lot of people saying that God is good after coming through a situation and looking back. I want you to know that you can have that hope and confidence and joy in the midst of the situation. In the midst of pain, I have confidence that God is good. And I can trust Him. This is what real life is about. And God is there.

I also want people to feel like it is ok, to feel sorrow. I wrote another letter today. Here it is:

"I realized tonight, that I feel like its not ok to hurt, not so much with God, with God I feel like it is ok, but with people. I feel like people think that if I am hurting I lack faith or that I am holding on, and so its not ok. I think one of the things I have been needing to hear is that it is ok to hurt."