Birthday Wish

What do you do when you are told that God has said, “no” to what you want most?




I heard this story of a man who was engaged to be married. He had the life he dreamed of, but he risked it all to help a slave escape to freedom. For this, he was put away in prison for five years. His fiancé faithfully waited those five years. When he was released from prison after those five years, he immediately went and helped another slave gain their freedom and was caught again. He was put in prison for another fifteen years. Another man was put into prison for not denying the gospel. He was taken away from his beloved and his children. His daughter was blind and he did not know how his family would be provided for. He longed to be there for his family, but he could not deny the gospel. Another man was engaged when he came to Christ. He knew that he could not marry his betrothed if she did not know Christ so he talked with her and shared with her the gospel. She became a believer. The country was Muslim so to become a Christian meant severe consequences, so they agreed to escape and be married. She never showed up at the meeting place. Her family found out that she had become a Christian and gave her to a Muslim man to be his wife. He would never see her again.


As my birthday nears, I have been thinking about the desires of my heart. If I were to ask God for a birthday present, what would I ask for? I have desires that are so deeply rooted in my heart and that I long for so intensely that I cry out to God, “It is only by Your mercy and grace that I could survive if these were taken away.” I know I could look at my desires. I could ask God to give me the desires of my heart, but I know that that is not a real prayer. I am not asking him to do that. Instead I am asking him to make me more dependent on Him, to trust Him more. To hold on to that treasure that is deeper than the things of this world. To hear His voice. To hold fast and to cling to Him, who is my life.



Off to the English Civil War

Tell me not, sweet, I am unkind
That from the nunnery
Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
To warlike arms I fly.

True, a new mistress now I serve
The first foe in the field
And with a sterner faith embrace
The sword, a horse, a shield.

Yet this inconstancy is such
As thou too shalt adore.
I could not love thee, dear, so much
Loved I not honor more.

---- Richard Lovelace


I must love God more than the desires of my heart, or I don't have anything. All is loss compared to him. Abba, I pray that you set this truth deep in the roots of my heart, and may my heart be dependent on Thee. Command what Thou wilst, and grant what Thou commandest. My heart is Yours, my Lord.