July 2007 - Response to ladies questions

This was written in response to questions the ladies gave the men in Lifegroup. (written July 18, 2007)


1. If you could say one thing to encourage the ladies in LG, what would you say?
I have sisters and I want them to know that they are beautiful. Ladies, I want you to know that you are beautiful. You are captivating.

2. If you could say one thing to challenge the ladies in LG, what would you say?
The scripture is the Voice of God, it is so good. . . .Embrace godly and scriptural womanhood. . . . Ladies, don’t be caught in the trappings and oppression of our culture, to which we are no longer a part. Feed on God’s faithfulness, it challenges women to be so much more than our culture and to have more influence in the church, ministry, and the world, then they often do because the churches have bought into the culture. What God has for you is so good. Learn from Him, He is gentle and humble of heart.

3. How can the ladies in LG serve and honor you as men better? (be honest – they’re not going to know who wrote what)
I have often heard women (and men) make fun of the verses regarding women being in silence. These verses state within themselves that they are based on the authority of the command of Christ, the scripture, the apostleship of Paul, the design of God in creating women at Creation before sin entered the world, and the fact that they are scripture themselves. Based on this authority, they should not be taken lightly or laughed at. “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” Elsewhere it says, “Heaven is My throne, And earth is My footstool. Where is the house that you will build Me? And where is the place of My rest? For all those things My hand has made, And all those things exist, Says the LORD. But on this one will I look: On him who is poor and of a contrite spirit, And who trembles at My word”. What ever your opinion is on these verses, they are scripture and they are based on strong authority, don’t take them lightly. If you really want to know what these verses mean, come as a child and believe your Father, trust Him. He is good and you might be surprised by what you find. Ladies, I say this because God’s vision for womanhood is bigger than mine or yours or anyone else’s. . . . Now, how does this relate to honoring men? Well, that is what makes it great. God has a lot of wonderful things to show you, if you are willing to learn and obey. Living out what God has for you is the best way you can honor us.

4. Why is it important to you as a man that the ladies seek God everyday?
Women are vital to the church and my own walk with the Lord. I need them to be close to the Lord. I need their godly influence in my life.

5. Why is it important to you that they walk in purity?
I want a wife who will walk with me in purity and passion. Purity is not something that ends when you get married. I am also a romantic and I want to be able to share that part of my life with only one woman. Also impurity brings shame and brings areas where you don’t feel you can be vulnerable and “naked”. I want to be able to be “naked and unashamed” with my wife.
Just a side comment, I know enough women to know that even though you may not struggle with lust in the same way men do, women do struggle and have bought into cultural perspectives that are not scriptural. Please fight to walk in purity not just in action, but in how you view and relate to men. When I said that I want a wife who is pure, I don’t just mean physically, but that she has a godly mindset in how she treats other men.

Another thing, please be modest. It is very awkward to talk with a woman, when if you look at and focus on her face, more is showing in your field of vision, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. I hate that. I want to feel like I can talk to a woman without seeing more than I want to and dishonoring her.

I think it is similar to what I said at first, the men in the church need women who will walk in purity with them.

6. If you had to pick some character qualities you wish the ladies in LG exemplified more of, what would they be?
The characteristic that I would like to see in the women of our life group is a desire for biblical womanhood. I would like to see them develop a deep hunger for God’s heart for femininity and to grow in maturity. I would like to see them challenge each other to be women after God’s own heart.

7. How would you as a man define womanhood or femininity (what is “lady-like” to you)?
I could list a lot of traits that I find beautiful in woman and lady-like, but my views and what I like are my own and although I think they express femininity well, the scripture alone can define femininity. To define femininity, I would encourage you to forget any cultural perspective you or anyone else might have and look at the scriptures, all of them; (I have several pages of them), and meditate on them. Know how femininity is defined in the culture of the Kingdom of God.
We all know Proverbs 31; it is a good place to start. I know some will try to idealize it, which is really ridiculous when you understand it. It is a very realistic view into the heart and practical lifestyle of a godly woman and has so many insights for us, today. A key scripture elsewhere says that a woman builds her home. Another scripture is 1 Peter 3, “but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” And there is more . . . daughters of the King, study God’s heart for you. Let His words wash over you.

8. At any given LG, what practically can the ladies do to bless you more? (engage in worship, dance with flags, etc…)
Believe in us as men and treat us like men. Trust us. Please, allow us to lead. Ladies, we desire to be a covering for you and we desire to honor you as men. Believe that we can honor and protect you. We so much desire to be this, give us opportunities.
One little thing you can do to help us is after life group don’t walk to you cars alone; allow us to walk you to your car. (I am not getting on to you for this, this is our responsibility, I am just showing you a way you can practically show us that you value us). Most of the time I don’t notice when women walk out (I’ll work on this), so if no man is there to walk you out, let us know that you are leaving and need someone to walk you out. That would be a huge help. If we are talking to someone interrupt us, its ok.

The key to a man’s heart is respect. As we, men, want to find ways to let you know that you are loved, find ways like this that tell us that you do believe in and respect us as men and that you appreciate our covering over you.

9. What is your biggest pet-peeve about the ladies right now?
This is not what bothers me the most (that would probably be not valuing God’s word), but it fits more in the pet-peeve category probably than anything else. Many of you have stated that you desire men to lead, but often when women wait for men to lead out, it is at the most only a few minutes and often only seconds. There are many times where I was about to step out to lead, but then was not able to because of this (and I am not the only one this has happened to). So I hear women asking for men to lead out, but then declining to be patient and wait for them to lead. Do you really believe in the men in life group? Are there women who are willing to wait for months in silence and prayer, not leading out, and praying and waiting for men to lead, because they believe in the men and in their ability to lead, and trust that the Lord will raise them up? I would like to see such women in the church, women who are strong, women who believe in the men, and are willing support the men of the church in a very real way, not just with words. The scripture says that this strength will change an ungodly man’s heart. . . . It will change ours.
Please hear me in this. I know you do want men to lead and I do believe you do want to be women who support the men in the church. I know you strongly desire to build up the men in life group. You wrote us and challenged us to lead. And I thank you so much for that. And it encouraged me. I think we are just both learning how to live this out, how to live out manhood and womanhood in the church, and that’s ok, as long as we are walking toward God in this. Be willing to listen to God’s word in learning how to encourage us as men, all of it.

One of the things you can do to bless us practically is just refuse to lead. . . . Wait for the men to lead out in life group, no matter how long it takes. Ladies, allow us to learn to lead.
I know this can be hard. I know we as men need to step it up and we often fail you. We don’t always lead as we should. I know I don’t. Let us learn. Let us even fail at times. We will mess up and be faulty, but we will learn. Be patient. You don’t have to take up the slack, you can trust God. Don’t step out and lead, wait for us to do so in life group, even if it takes a long time. I think often that many of us have such a fear that God cannot speak to His church and so we step out ahead of God and hinder God’s work. Good things may still happen (God is so gracious to us), but we miss out on God’s best. God is a patient God and He is capable. And He will do things according to His word, not in spite of it.

Also know that as men, we often want to lead, but feel so unworthy to lead or to speak or even to pray. Many of us are also deeply hurt. Allow God to work on our hearts and wait; don’t lead. There are men who desire to be men, you can trust us. Prayer is an amazing thing, pray for us.

10. Feel free to send a message to the ladies in LG…write anything you’d like them to hear:
God has uniquely designed you as women. We as men are amazed by the gifts that God has given you. And we admire the strengths that you uniquely have as women. Women are amazing! You are beautiful. You are captivating. We want to walk along side you and build you up in the Lord and honor you as men.