Creating Dialogue

Here are some tips in having a conversation with someone who disagrees with you

·         Be open minded

o   Be Humble – you always have something to learn

o   Go into the conversation with an expectation to learn something from the other person

§  Regardless of the disagreement, you usually have something to learn, even if it is only how to communicate better.

o   Be willing to be proven wrong

·         Don’t put your assumptions on the other person

o   If you assume or make assumptions about the other person’s views, you will find that you are arguing with a person that only exists in your own imagination, instead of talking to a real person

o   Don’t attribute ideas, thoughts, arguments or consequences to your opponent that they do not hold to.

§  This only creates a rift between you and the other person

o   Don’t take their statements out of context or out of their intended meaning.

o   Don’t assume things about their character, motives, or heart.

·         Listen

o   Work hard to fully understand your opponent’s views, background, and perspectives.

§  Give them a chance to clarify.

§  Take the time to understand their position from their perspective.

o   Ask questions and check with them to see if your understanding of their position is correct.

·         Present the opposing view in its strongest form, don’t build a “straw man” and then knock it down.

o   Work to be able to present the opposing side in a way that they would say that you were representing their view in an honest way and would comment, “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

·         Speak the truth in love

o   Engage the person

§  Get into the other person’s world. Talk with the person, not at the person. Ask you self, “How do I communicate this in a way that the other person can understand it where they are at?”

§  It doesn’t help to prove you are right, if you cannot engage the other person with the truth.

o   Be willing to be proven wrong

§  The purpose of a conversation is not to defend my position but to help each other grow in the truth. Who cares if I am wrong? What value is there in holding onto a lie? What we want is to align ourselves with what is true. Sometimes that will mean that I have to change my position.